


Crush Me Like A Flower

by TheFabRosevest



Series: Death [2]
Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is..., The Pretty Reckless
Genre: Ghosts, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Instability, Soul Bond, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:37:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Brendon took Ryan with him, he thought that everything would get better ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crush Me Like A Flower

**Author's Note:**

> So this is part two of the series. I hope you like it.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

We left Grey Valley and everything just got crazier. The world changed. Well, I knew that already, but it got just … weird. I’m clinging to Brendon pretty much all the time and he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s just asking me if I’m okay at least ten times a day. I know that he’s scared for me. He thinks that I’ll act like Taylor’s mom. I can’t really blame him for that.

I have to admit that I understand why she wanted to die again. Life is so … exhausting, especially with all those feelings. When I was dead the feelings weren’t so intense. They were somehow blurry and I could ignore them for the most part.

But now? Now I can’t make it stop. I can’t just stop thinking.

When we arrived in Vegas, I couldn’t believe my eyes, because the city was huge and so bright, colour everywhere. Brendon just smiled and let me stare for a while before we took the bus to his apartment.

His apartment was shitty, but maybe that’s just me because I lived in a huge mansion for like … I still don’t know how long.

Brendon started working two weeks after we got there and I was left alone half the day. Most of the time I just sat there, looking around, reading, maybe listening to music.

When Brendon came home, sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes in the evening, he always apologized that he was gone for so long and I always smiled and said that it wasn’t a problem, when my mind was yelling ‘Don’t leave me alone ever again!’

Well, that is pretty much it. I’m alive for a month now and I still don’t know how to handle most things. Sometimes I still look around and I can’t believe that I’m here, in Vegas and not in Grey Valley in the mansion. I’m still scared that Brendon will stop wanting me one day, because that’s the only thing I dream about since I’m here. All my dreams are about being alone.

“Ryan?”

It’s the beginning of my fifth week alive and Brendon is working late. He has a job at Starbucks. It’s a place where you can get coffee and snacks. I didn’t know that there are that many sorts of coffee.

I look up at the voice and jump off the bed, where I occupied myself with a book, and run for the door. My mind was extra loud today, was screaming that I made a mistake and I just need Brendon to tell me that it’s wrong and that I did the right thing.

When I reach him, he just closes the door and when he turns around, I throw myself at him.

“Woah, hey” he says and I can hear his smile.

“I missed you.” I whisper into his neck and he laughs and pushes me away softly.

“I got you something.” He says with a smile and crouches down to one of the bags he brought with him.

I watch him and crouch down as well.

“What is it?” I ask seriously and he looks up, smile widening.

“You have to relax a bit, Ry.” He says and touches my cheek.

I just continue to stare at him and his smile fades a bit when I don’t show any kind of reaction. I know that he holds back a sigh when he lowers his hand to get something out of one of the bags.

“Here” he says and his smile is back when he holds a silver bracelet out for me to take.

I look at it for a moment before I take it. It’s just a silver band with some things hanging from it. One of the things is just the letter R, then there’s a cross, a heart, a pentagram and the letter B. I look up and when I see the hopeful expression on Brendon’s face, I force myself to smile as well.

“Thank you” I whisper and his smile widens when he takes it again to wrap it around my left wrist. He shoots me a quick glance before he reveals my wrist.

On the third day, he discovered the scars on my wrists. It was one thing to get me back to life, but it was another thing to heal my scars, because those stayed. I even have a scar where my dad stabbed me.

“I still hate to see those scars.” Brendon says, tracing a finger along the white skin.

“It’s from another life … don’t worry about it.” I say without looking at him.

He wraps the bracelet around my wrist quickly and hides it under my sleeve again. Then he gets up and walks past me into the kitchen. I stay there on the floor for a few seconds longer before I get up as well.

“What did you do today?” Brendon asks while unpacking the groceries.

“I read and … thought.” I say.

He turns around and observes me.

“Are you alright?” he asks, turning around and walking towards me.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I say with a fake smile.

“That smile isn’t real.”

When he says that, my fake smile slowly fades.

“What is it?”

I look away but he brings up his hand to hold my chin with two fingers, forcing me to look at him.

“Ryan, please. If there is a problem then you have to tell me. I’m still scared that you’ll- ”

I know what he wants to say. He’s scared that I’ll hurt myself or even worse.

Kill myself.

“I won’t.” I say, barely a whisper.

“Alright, but there is still something wrong.”

“I’m just … I need some time.”

“But you were just fine two weeks ago.”

Back then I could push my screaming mind away.

“I don’t know myself.”

“You’re still not telling everything.”

I remain silent after that and he sighs. I close my eyes at that. I can’t get the thought out of my head that I’m a burden to him and that he would be better off without me. He wouldn’t have the problems he has now.

“Ry, talk to me.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“What?! That’s what you think you are to me?”

I don’t respond.

“You are not a burden to me. You’re the complete opposite.”

“Really?” I ask without really believing him.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t have been able to leave Grey Valley without you.”

“You barely knew me.”

“Yes, but does it matter?”

I stay silent.

“You think too much, Ry.” He says softly and places a kiss on my forehead. “Let’s eat something.”

He turns and walks into the kitchen again. I look down at my hand and reveal the bracelet. With my other hand I turn it on my wrist and stop to hold the B. I watch the letter a bit before I let my hands fall to my side.

“Come on. I’m hungry.” Brendon says and I sit down on the table.

 

*

 

When I wake up in the middle of the night, I’m breathing heavily and look next to me to check if Brendon is still there.

He is.

I relax a bit, but the emotion of my dream is still there.

Brendon pushed me away and told me that it was a mistake to free me.

I close my eyes and force my mind to believe that it was just a dream and that it wouldn’t happen in real life.

I open my eyes again and look at Brendon again. He’s lying on his side, a small smile on his face. I force myself to look away. Why can’t I just be happy?

Quickly, I get out of the bed and walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me quietly. I step in front of the mirror and look at myself.

I still look the same. Life didn’t change me a little bit. I don’t look like the other people I see outside. They look normal and as if they belong in this world. I look different. My eyes are kind of glowing and my skin is just … not normal.

“It was a mistake.” I whisper to myself and bite my lip to stop it from trembling.

I close my eyes when I feel the tears hot in my eyes.

Everyone told me that this life would be different, but it isn’t. It hurts just as much as the last one and the problem is that I don’t even know why. I should be happy, shouldn’t I?

I look down at my wrist, at the bracelet and the scars underneath. I ball my hand into a fist and look up again. Then I narrow my eyes at myself in the mirror and grab for the razor. In a quick motion, I throw it to the ground harshly and it breaks immediately, the razor blades breaking free.

I stare at the blades for a few minutes before I crouch down to take one. I don’t do anything, I just look at it and consider. I do that for at least another five minutes, before I make an attempt tp lower the blade to my left wrist slowly.

“Ryan, what are you doing?!”

I whirl around and the blade falls to the floor. Brendon is standing in the door, staring at me with wide eyes. He looks from my face to my wrist and then to the blade and the broken razor. When he looks up again, he looks sad and disappointed.

“I- “ I start, but his arm is already shooting out to grab my arm.

“Get into bed. I’ll be with you soon.”

The disappointment in his voice kills me inside.

“Bren- “ I start but he just shakes his head and pushes me out of the room and then I’m standing in front of the closed bathroom door.

I feel as if my mind is laughing at me. It’s yelling ‘Ha! Gotcha!’

Now the tears start rolling down my cheeks and I lean my forehead against the door.

“I’m sorry I’m such a fuck-up.” I whisper. “I guess that didn’t change after all.”

I wait for the door to open, but it doesn’t and after I waited ten minutes, I give up and crawl under the covers again. I lie there for at least ten minutes, before I slowly crawl over to Brendon’s side to hide my face in his pillow. I stay there and wait for him to come out of the bathroom.

When the bathroom door finally opens, he doesn’t talk and just walks through the bedroom and out into the hall. I watch him and when I can’t see him anymore, I sit up.

“Brendon?” I ask, my voice still sounding weak.

He doesn’t answer and I just hear him rummaging in the kitchen cupboards. Confusion comes over me and so I get up and walk out of the room to find Brendon in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

“I’m locking away all sharp objects.” He simply says and when I walk a bit further into the room, I see that he’s throwing all knifes, razors and generally sharp objects into one cupboard. He closes it and locks it, using an old looking lock. He turns the key and then he turns around to look at me.

“You’re overreacting.” I say.

“I don’t care. You wanted to hurt yourself.”

“I didn’t- ”

“Oh please, stop that. You broke the razor to get to the blade and when I talked to you, the blade fell to the floor. You were about to cut yourself, I’m not that stupid.”

I open my mouth, but he cuts me off again.

“Why?”

I don’t answer and look away.

“Do you still think that no one likes you? Damnit, Ryan!”

I flinch back when he rises his voice a bit, almost yelling. I raise my hands to fist them in my hair out of pure frustration.

“I knew this would happen. You hate me now. I knew it. My dreams were right after all. It was a bad idea! I should have stayed in the house!” I sob loudly.

Brendon watches my whole outburst without a word. Then he takes the few steps towards me, looking at me with sad eyes. His hands rise to take mine away from my head and then he just holds them in his own.

“I don’t hate you.” He says slowly.

“You do!” I yell.

“No, I don’t. I just don’t understand why you wanted to hurt yourself and the thought that I don’t know what’s going on is making me angry.”

I look away and remain silent.

“Is it because of me? Did I do something wrong?”

My gaze rises quickly and I shake my head.

“Then what is it, Ry? I can’t read your mind, so please tell me.”

I look down again and bite my lip. His fingers are tracing over my knuckles softly and my gaze lingers on our joined hands. When I don’t respond after a few minutes, he starts tugging me towards the bedroom again.

“It’s okay. Just tell me when you’re ready.” He says when we crawl under the covers.

He draws me close as if to prevent another try from me to get up without him noticing and I just let him.

“Ryan, you really have to stop thinking that everyone hates you. Even people who love each other get angry sometimes, that doesn’t mean that they hate each other out of sudden.” Brendon says softly and I just listen, unable to move for some reason. “It’s driving me crazy that I don’t know what is going on. I’m not stupid. I noticed that this is already going on for about two weeks.”

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“It’s okay, just tell me what’s wrong.”

I bite my lip and close my eyes. He’s waiting for an answer and I don’t know if I can give it to him.

“I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

“I’m just scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything. I always have these dreams where you leave me and I’m on my own and don’t know what to do. I feel as if it was a mistake. I should have stayed on the island where I belong. I don’t belong in this world.”

“It doesn’t matter where you belong. You decide yourself where you want to belong.”

He touches my hair softly and I look up at him.

“It wasn’t a mistake, Ry. And I’m still not going to leave you. I promised that you’re stuck with me, remember?”

I don’t move and just keep staring.

“I wouldn’t be able to leave you, even if I tried, I don’t think you have to worry. Who would be able to leave such a perfect person?”

I look away when I see the awe in his eyes.

“I’m not perfect.”

“You are to me.”

I blush and when he sees it, he lungs forward to kiss me quickly.

“Please stop worrying so much. It’s not good for you.”

I nod and we relax again.

“We should go out sometime. I think I want to show off my boyfriend.”

I giggle and he makes a surprised sound.

“Oh my god, that was seriously the most adorable sound I ever heard.”

“Shut up” I whisper, still smiling.

“You’ll be the death of me someday.” He says, smiling too.  

 

*

 

When I wake up, I hear rummaging in the kitchen and the smell of waffles and coffee is in the air. I throw the covers back and sit there for a moment before I decide to get up.

Just when I’m about to go out into the hall, where Brendon would see me, his phone rings and he takes it.

“Hello?” he asks. “Oh Jon. Hey, how are you?”

I narrow my eyes. I’m not really a fan of Jon. Well, I didn’t talk to him much.

“Of course, yeah that would be awesome.”

What would be awesome? What does Jon want?

“I gave you my address, didn’t I? Yeah … yes okay.”

What?!

“Uhm … don’t get me wrong, but could you keep an eye on Ryan when you visit? He … isn’t okay.”

My eyes widen.

“Thanks, see you then. Bye.”

I retreat a bit till my legs hit the bed.

I don’t want Jon to come and I don’t want to be alone with him!

Pure panic rises in me and I start biting my lip and look around with wide eyes.

“Morning”

I look up at the voice and see Brendon standing in the door, smiling like there’s not a single bad thing in the world. When my expression doesn’t change, his smile fades and he looks worried.

“What’s wrong, Ry?” he asks and steps towards me.

“Uhm … I- ”

Brendon is watching me closely and I just can’t tell him the truth.

“I just had a nightmare.” I whisper and look down.

“Poor baby” he says and hugs me.

I don’t hug back and just stand there. When he draws back, he’s smiling again.

“We should go out today, maybe go shopping or something.” He says

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I called in sick.”

“Oh”

He’s smiling again, waiting for me to be happy too, but it doesn’t happen.

“Was the dream that bad?” he asks and I just nod without thinking.

His smile is completely gone now and he just looks uneasy.

“We really should go out. Do something fun?” he asks nervously.

“You know that I don’t like to go outside. People are always staring at me.” I murmur.

He nods knowingly and looks down.

“I know, but … you can’t always hide in here. That’s not better then being locked up in the mansion.”

I think about that for a moment and he seems to notice that.

“Ry!”

I turn my head abruptly to look at him and he looks sad again.

“People may be staring at you but that’s not a reason to stay inside your whole life.”

“It is for me.”

“We are going out today and that’s it and now come get breakfast.” He says, sounding angry.

Great, I made him angry again. He waits a few seconds before he turns to leave the room. I just stand there, watching after him. My mind is telling me that all of this is a big mistake and that I shouldn’t be here.

“Ryan!” Brendon yells from the kitchen. “Come here already!”

His voice is demanding and he still sounds angry, so I don’t even think about disobeying.

Slowly, I walk out of the room and into the kitchen, hugging myself. Brendon is sitting at the table, looking down at his plate.

“Don’t dare to ask if I hate you now.” He growls and I flinch a bit.

I just watch him then, waiting for his next move. He raises his head and looks at me strangely.

“Come on, sit down.”

I walk over and sit down across from him, still staring at him.

“Don’t look at me as if I’m some kind of monster.” He says and I look down quickly. “I’m sorry, but you can’t hide in here forever.”

I don’t react and just stare down at my waffles. When I want to start eating, I notice that there’s no knife on the table and so I stand up to get it, but when I want to reach for the cupboard, I notice the lock on it. I stare down at it for a moment.

“Just eat with the fork.” Brendon says behind me.

“Give me the key.” I say, still not turning around.

“No”

“Brendon, stop this! I just want to eat something for fucks sake!” I yell and turn around.

Suddenly, he watches me with wide eyes and gets up as well, crowding me against the counter.

“You should act like this more often. You’re too quiet and shy all the time.” He says with a smile and kisses me.

I’m a bit confused and so I don’t kiss back. When he steps back again, he’s still smiling and motions for me to step aside. I do it and he gets a key out of his pocket. He unlocks the cupboard, opens it and takes out a knife which he hands me. I bite my lip and take it before I watch Brendon lock the cupboard again.

“Is that really necessary?” I ask quietly and Brendon just nods without looking up.

I sigh and sit down in front of my waffles again.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“Bren, they are all staring at me.” Ryan whispers without looking up from his coffee.

We’re at Starbucks because Ryan mentioned that he likes it there and so I practically forced him to go in. We’re sitting at a table in the corner and I have to admit that he’s right. Quite a few people are looking at him strangely but it’s not as if I didn’t know this would happen.

I feel a bit bad about just dragging him along, but he can’t stay at the apartment forever.

“Ignore it.” I say and take a sip of my coffee.

He bites his lip and looks up quickly just to look down again.

“Can we leave?” he asks and I sigh.

“As long as they are just looking at you it’s not a problem.” I say, leaning forward. “You need to relax a bit and be happy.”

He’s biting his lip nervously and I just can’t stand it anymore.

“Stop biting your lip or it will start bleeding.” I say softly and he stops immediately and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

I want to say that it’s okay, but I decide against it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t want him to get better, but he’s just exhausting. He’s always nervous and shy and scared and I want it to stop. I want the boy back I remember from the mansion. The weird kid who loved roses and sat on the railing, dangling his legs.

This one is different. He barely laughs anymore. I can’t even remember him smiling more then maybe three times since we’re in Vegas.

“Hey”

I look up at the voice. There’s some guy standing in front of our table. He looks like he’s maybe 25 or something with black hair that falls over one eye. I look over at Ryan and he’s staring up at the guy and he looks completely frightened. When I look up at the guy again, I notice that he isn’t looking at me at all. He’s smiling at Ryan.

“What’s your name?” he asks and Ryan just looks over at me pleadingly.

“None of your business.” I hiss.

The guy looks over at me and observes me as if he just noticed that I’m here at all. Then he watches Ryan again.

“Back the fuck off.” I say and get up to push him back a bit.

“Whoa, calm down.” The guy says and turns towards me. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that you’re hitting on my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yes, got a problem with that?”

“Brendon, can we leave, please?” I hear Ryan ask.

I glare at the guy one last time before I grab Ryan’s hand to tug him out of his chair and towards the door.

“Ouch” Ryan whimpers when we left and are walking along the sidewalk.

I look down and see that I’m squeezing his hand a bit too tightly.

“Sorry” I murmur and let go.

It takes about five seconds till he takes my hand again.

“Just try not to squeeze it to death.” He says and I nod. “Can we go home now?”

“No”

“No?”

“No”

“Then I want to go in there.”

We stop in front of some clothing store and I look inside.

“I think these are women clothes.” I say and he just shrugs and starts to walk inside.

I watch him sceptically as he walks over to the accessories. He lets my hand go and takes one of the sunglasses to try it on.

“Ry?”

“Huh?” he turns around, still wearing the sunglasses.

I don’t say anything and just watch him. He turns around again and tries another one. Three other sunglasses later, he decides on one and lets it stay on his nose.

“Ryan, what are you doing?” I ask when he walks over to the hats.

“I’m sick of people staring at me.” He says and takes a newsboy cap into his hands, observing it for a while before he places it on his head and looks at himself in the mirror.

“This won’t change anything.” I say but he ignores me. “You don’t need to hide yourself.”

“But I want to.”

“And I have the money.”

I take the cap and the sunglasses from him and he glares at me.

“Get yourself a job or accept that I decide what to buy, woman.” I say and lay the cap back down.

He looks at it for a few seconds and then heads off again.

“You’re an asshole.” He says and I just roll my eyes and wrap my arms around his waist from behind.

“We are in a women clothing store and I just called you  _woman_. We’re the definition of gay.” I laugh and he folds his arms over his chest. “Don’t act like that.”

“Oh fuck you” he says and frees himself, but I know that he’s not really mad.

We walk out of the store and he grabs my hand again.

“You have to admit that the cap was awesome.” He says while looking into the other shops.

“On you, of course. You could wear a poncho and you would still look good.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I do.”

A small smile spreads over his face. It’s gone as fast as it came, but I’m cheering inside anyway.

“I should buy you something.” I say.

“You don’t have to.”

“I already refused to buy you your hiding stuff. I have to make it up to you.”

I expect him to protest again, but he stays silent and seems to think.

“Then just buy me that cap?” he asks hopefully.

I open my mouth to protest, but he starts to pout and I just can’t resist when he’s looking at me like that.

“Alright” I say and he beams and starts to tug me back to the store.

He lets my hand go and runs inside. I just laugh and walk after him. When I find him, he’s holding the cap and grinning like crazy. He hands it to me and we start walking to the cash register. I pay for it and ask the lady behind the register to cut off the note with the price on it. While we make our way out of the store, I place the cap on Ryan’s head and he beams at me again.

“Thank you!” he squeaks happily and grips my arm.

“You’re welcome” I say. “It’s nice to see you happy once in a while.”

His smile fades a bit and he doesn’t answer and just clings to me as we walk along the sidewalk. I wrap one arm around his waist as one shop catches my eye.

“Hey, what about we go in there?” I ask and point out which one I mean.

It’s small in comparison to the stores around it and it looks a bit gloomy.  _Occult_  is written in old-looking letters over the door.

Ryan looks up and observes the shop for a moment and when he wants to say something, I’m already pulling him along.

“Bren, I don’t really want to go in there.” He whines when I push the door open.

A shrill sound greets us and I look up to glare at the bell. When the door falls shut, silence falls over us and I start looking around. The walls are made of dark wood, just like the floor and that makes the shop even more mysterious.

“Alright, we saw it. Can we leave now?” Ryan asks and clings to my arm again just as I take a voodoo doll to look at it.

“Creepy, huh?” I ask Ryan, but he just bites his lip and looks around as well.

“Oh hello” a voice behind us says and we turn around.

Behind the counter I didn’t notice yet, stands a boy with wavy brown hair. At first, I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy.

“Hello” I say and he smiles at me.

Then his gaze wanders over to Ryan, who doesn’t say anything, his expression changes. At first he looks shocked, then confused and then interested.

“Well what have we got here?” he says amused and rounds the counter to walk towards us.

“Uhm, what do you mean?” I ask and I can feel how Ryan tightens his grip on my arm.

The boy observes him and smiles.

“Hey, if you want to hit on him then just leave it, alright?!” I say angrily.

He looks at me and smiles.

“No, not at all. That happens often, huh? I see.”

“Alright, what’s up?”

“I’m sorry. I’m William, by the way.”

“Brendon. And this is Ryan.”

“I see you got a second chance, Ryan.”

Ryan stares up at him and I feel his grip soften.

“How- ” he starts, but William cuts him off.

“I don’t own an occult shop for nothing.”

Ryan nods and untangles himself from me.

“Wow, I don’t really know what to say.” William murmurs and looks between Ryan and me.

“Huh?”

“Well, it doesn’t happen every day that a half-ghost walks into my shop.”

“Half-ghost?” I ask.

“Yes, that’s what people like him are called. It sounds stupid, I know. I don’t expect you to know, since there are only a hand full out there.”

“Why are they called that?”

“They may live again, but they aren’t really a natural part of this world anymore. I mean the stuff with his unnatural appearance. That’s what is mainly meant by that.”

I blink a few times and nod then.

“It seems you don’t know much about stuff like that.” William says and narrows his eyes challengingly.

“I guess not.”

He beams.

“I would be more then pleased to explain some things to you.”

I consider it and nod before looking at Ryan who is just glaring at William.

“I would like to leave that shit behind, thanks.” He spits and turns around to walk towards the door.

“Ry, don’t be a bitch.” I sigh without turning around.

“Fuck you”

“I would like to listen to him. Could you at least wait in here?”

At first I get no response and when I finally turn around to look at him, he has his arms crossed.

“Fine, whatever.” He says and starts looking around.

“I’m sorry about him.” I whisper when I’m facing William again.

“No problem, I kind of understand. Would you like to go into the back room?”

“That would be better, I guess, since he doesn’t want to hear it.”

“Uh huh!” Ryan says and I just roll my eyes and follow William into another small room.

“I’m doing my sessions back here.” He explains as I observe the room.

“Sessions?”

“Yep, with ghosts and stuff. It’s pretty cool.”

I nod and sit down.

“So, uhm … where did you meet him? I’m sorry, but I’m just so excited about all of this!”

I laugh and he beams at me.

“It’s okay. I inherited my aunt’s old house and when I went there to take a look at it, everyone told me to leave again because people died in there and stuff. Long story short, I went there anyway and there I met Ryan.”

“So is this place something like a haunted house?”

“A haunted mansion, yes.”

“A mansion, wow. I would give everything to go there.”

“You wouldn’t, believe me.”

“Oh, I do.”

“I could give you the directions and the key if you want.”

“Really?!”

“If you want to see it so bad.” I shrug.

“Yes please!”

“I’ll come over tomorrow to drop it off.”

“Oh my god, thank you! Okay okay, now, go on.”

“There’s not much to go on about actually. I found out that Ryan was dead and I promised him to help him. I met someone who brought someone back to live as well and he helped me. So then I did that ritual stuff and then I had Ryan.”

“Wait wait wait.” William says and stands up to rummage through a few books. “Here”

He hands me a large book and points to the page.

“Which spell was it?” he asks and watches me expectantly.

I read through the spells. There were at least 15 different ones and I bit my lip to remember which one it was.

_This life was taken unjustly._

_This life ended too soon._

_A life that has a right to be lived._

_I ask, let this soul go and give it into my care._

_Bring this soul back to life!_

_I demand it!_

“This one” I say and point at the right one.

William takes the book from me and reads through it.

“Oh, I see. And you needed to sacrifice some blood. Yes, that’s one of the common ones.”

“Why did you want to know?” I ask a bit worried when he bites his lip.

“All of them have the same main effect, but every single one has a side effect.”

“Oh”

He flicks a few pages forward and reads some more.

“What’s it about this one?” I ask and try to lean forward in an attempt to read it too.

“Uhm, the part where you say  _give this soul into my care_ kind of bounds Ryan to you if I understand this right.”

“Okay”

“You have no idea what that means, huh?” he asks and looks over at me.

I shake my head and smile apologetically.

“That means that he feels the best when he’s with you. It means you two share a deep bond.”

“I didn’t really feel a bond.”

“It’s more something he feels.”

“Oh”

“It also means something else.” William says and puts the book away.

I raise my eyebrows when he doesn’t go on immediately.

“It means that he can only exist when you do too.”

I blink a few times.

“When you die, he dies too.”

I open my mouth, but close it again.

“Oh”

William nods and leans backwards.

“And the other way round?” I ask.

“No, he is just dependent on you.”

“Wow. Fuck”

William nods again and looks up when he hears the bell of the shop door. Then he looks at me again.

“Uhm, there’s one more thing.” I start and William leans forward. “Ryan has been a bit … different lately.”

“How?”

“He’s always so sad and scared that I’ll leave him.”

“Did you think about leaving him?”

“No! Not one single time! But he always has those … dreams.”

“What happens in those?”

“I leave him.”

“Well, I think that doesn’t mean something deeper. He’s just scared.”

“And one night, I woke up and found him in the bathroom with a razor in his hand, ready to cut his wrist.”

William is now staring at me in shock.

“I already locked all sharp objects away.” I say.

“Okay, I think that was a good step.”

“He already has those scars on his wrists from when he was alive back then.”

“I would handle that like a normal cutter. I don’t think there is a difference.”

“I think so too.”

“Bren?” I hear Ryan from the shop whine and get up immediately to look what’s wrong.

In the shop, Ryan is pressed against the wall and a tall guy is standing two feet away from him, observing him a bit amused.

“Gabe, leave the poor guy alone.” William sighs and the guy, Gabe, turns his head to look at us.

“Who is he?”

“Just leave it.”

“He’s cute.”

“Gabe” William warns.

“What? I like him.”

I just watch the scene with a small smile. Gabe doesn’t really seem dangerous and so I leave him to his talking. Ryan looks over at me with fear and confusion and I just show him a thumb up.

“Can I have him?” Gabe asks and moves forward to poke Ryan in the side on what he squeaks. “Oh my god, did you hear that sound?”

“No, you can’t have him, Gabe.” William laughs.

Gabe pouts and turns towards Ryan again, who is watching him carefully.

“But I would cuddle him and feed him.”

“That’s my job.” I say.

“And who are you?” Gabe asks and walks over to poke me too.

“I’m Brendon, Ryan’s boyfriend.”

Gabe starts to grin.

“And he’s not selling him.” William adds.

“Damn” Gabe says and looks at William mischievously. “I guess then I have to keep up with you.”

“Yes” William says and takes a key that lies on the counter to hand it to Gabe. “And you’re here because you forget the key. Again.”

Gabe grins and grabs the key.

“Yes, I’m an idiot.”

William nods and motions towards the door.

“Shoo! You’re scaring my new friends.”

“I like your new friends. Can this one be my friend too?” Gabe asks and points at Ryan again.

William rolls his eyes and shoves Gabe towards the door.

“See you later.”

“Alligator!” Gabe finishes and leaves.

“I’m confused.” Ryan says carefully.

“That’s normal.” William says.

Ryan laughs nervously and walks over to us.

“As long as he doesn’t try to kidnap me, I’m happy.”

“Uhm … be careful until he found another sparkling thing he likes.” William says and bites his lip.

Ryan blinks and grabs my arm.

“Okay, now I’m scared. Can we leave?”

I nod and turn towards William.

“See you tomorrow. And thank you.”

“No problem. Bye you two.”

Ryan just waves and we leave the shop.

“Okay, that was just weird.” He mumbles.

I nod and reach out to take the cap off his head to ruffle his hair before I put it back down.

“I think I have to buy a lock for our bedroom. Gabe kind of scares me.” I talk to myself.

“And I want protection.”

I smile and free my arm out of his grip to take his hand.

“So what do you want to do now?” I ask as he rests his head on my shoulder.

“I don’t know. You choose.”

“Let’s just go home.”

“Thank you” he whispers relieved.

 

*

 

When I open the door to our apartment, Ryan rushes in immediately and falls down on the couch face forward.

“Oh come on. You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.” I say as I close the door.

Ryan mumbles something I can’t understand and so I just roll my eyes and walk over to the couch.

“Tomorrow is Saturday, so I’m going to drag you out there again.” I say.

“Please no” Ryan grumbles into one of the pillows.

“If you’re good, then maybe I’ll buy you something else.”

Ryan finally turns onto his back and looks up at me.

“I’m not a girl you can buy things for so that she does whatever you want.”

“Right, only the girl part is true.” I say with a grin.

“You’re an idiot.”

I grin and reach out to take his cap off his head.

“You get this back when you apologized.”

“You’re pure evil.”

“Muhahahahaha!”

Ryan just rolls his eyes and then observes me for a moment before he speaks again.

“So when are you going to tell me that Jon is visiting?”

Well, that catches me off guard.

“Uhm … I forgot?” I try, but he just gives me the  _‘don’t lie to me’_  look.

“Alright, I know that you don’t like Jon, but I do, and I want him to visit.”

“He’s an idiot.”

“I know, but he’s still my friend.”  
“I don’t like him.”

“I  _know_.”

“Then why can’t you just … meet up with him somewhere? Why is he staying here?”

“He would have to pay for a hotel and those are expensive in Vegas.”

“That’s not a reason.”

“My god, Ryan. I do pretty much everything for you. When you want to stay inside the whole weekend, I stay here with you. When you want me to come home from work early, I do it. Can’t you just do one thing for  _me_?”

He just watches me without emotion and now I’m really getting pissed at him.

“Why are you always so selfish?!” I yell and he flinches a bit. “I never ask anything from you. I work to get money; I buy all the groceries, even if you’re home all day and would have plenty of time to buy them; I even clean the whole apartment while you just lie around and … feel sorry for yourself!”

“I don’t feel sorry for myself.” He whispers.

“Yes, you do!”

He looks away and bites his lip.

“Oh, don’t give me that!” I yell again, but he doesn’t move.

“I was right. I should have stayed on the island. You obviously don’t want me here. I just fuck up your life.”

“That’s not what I mean. Don’t you fucking get it?!”

“Oh, I get it.” He says sarcastically.

“No, you don’t. All I want is for you to get better and I want to help you with that. But you won’t let me. You never tell me what’s wrong. How am I supposed to help you then? Do you really want to depend on me for the rest of your life?”

He stays silent and keeps looking away.

“Do I really have to say it for you to finally get it?” I whisper and now he turns to look at me with confusion.

“I love you, you moron.”

His eyes widen, but I just continue.

“I thought that it would show in my actions, but you still think that I’m going to leave you.”

“Uhm … I …”

“Just stop thinking that I’ll let you fall, because I won’t. I told you that we will fix every problem, but I can’t fix them on my own.”

“No one ever loved me.” Ryan whispers.

“Now someone does.”

He looks around and then gets up.

“I feel awful.” He says without looking at me.

I almost feel bad for saying all these things (I obviously mean everything I said before the  _‘I love you’_  part), but I had to say it sometime.

“Can I have a hug?” he asks and finally looks up at me.

I smile and reach out and then we’re hugging.

“Don’t ask for a hug, just take one.” I whisper and he nods against my shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles and I just rub his back. “I try to get better.”

“Okay”

“I love you too, you know?”

“I figured.”

He retreats a step and looks down.

“Alright, and now you try to smile.” I say and he looks up. “For me?”

He watches me for a few seconds before he shows me a very small smile.

“Well, that’s a beginning.” I mumble and grab his shoulders. “And the thing with Jon …”

“It’s okay.” He says and tries to let the smile stay.

“I can tell him that he can’t visit, it’s not a problem.”

“No, it’s really okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah” he whispers and closes his eyes for a moment as if to calm down. “I don’t know what I was scared of.”

I smile as well and reach out to touch his cheek.

“Thank you” I mumble and move forward to kiss his forehead. “But I don’t want to force you into something. You have to tell me if it isn’t okay.”

“It really is.”

“Okay”

“I love you” he says quickly and it sounds like a plea somehow.

“I know” I lean forward and kiss him. “I love you too.”

He nods to himself and suddenly he seems far away.

“I’m going to make something to eat. Do you want something special?”

He shakes his head.

“Okay” I whisper and ruffle his hair before I walk into the kitchen to look for something to eat.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

I try to tell myself that Brendon is right and that I’m stupid for being so pessimistic, but I just can’t. I just have a feeling that something bad is going to happen and I can’t ignore it. I’m not going to tell him about it, because he would just get angry again … or just disappointed.

We spent the rest of the day in front of the TV. Well, I didn’t really watch anything that was on. I was basically just cuddling with Brendon while he watched TV.

For dinner he ordered pizza. I love pizza.

After dinner I got tired really quickly and went to bed. Brendon promised to follow soon after, and so I lie awake and wait for him.

I hear that he’s walking through the apartment, doing god knows what.

Half an hour later, the door creaks open and closes again. I don’t move and pretend to sleep.

I hear a chuckle from Brendon and then the mattress moves as he crawls under the covers next to me.

At first he just lies there, but after a few minutes he moves closer and soon he’s presses up against my back and pressing me against him. He makes a content noise and I feel his breath in my neck.

“I love you so much, Ry.” He whispers. “It hurts that you don’t believe in me.”

I want to answer, but I also want to know what he tells me when he thinks I’m asleep.

“We’re going to make this work. Finally.”

At first I think that he is going to sleep now too, but then he starts humming  _Mad World_.

I remain silent, but I can’t stop the few tears from rolling down my cheek.

 

*

 

When I wake up, we’re still lying in the same position. I don’t even try to move away and just close my eyes again. After a while I feel Brendon stir behind me and so I turn around.

“Hey” he says with a smile when he ends his yawn.

“Hey” I whisper back. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know … and I don’t care.”

“Didn’t you want to drag me out into the real world again?”

“I did … but you didn’t want it, so- ”

A part of me is happy about that, but another part just wants that Brendon forces me to leave the apartment like he planned. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

“I have to go and give William the key for the mansion, though. It won’t take too long.” He says and stretches.

“What? Why?”

“He is interested in the house and so I allow him to visit it.”

My mouth opens and closes again.

“What? Don’t look so shocked.”

“I … uhm … I just don’t know what to think of that.”

“He’s just interested in ghosts and supernatural stuff. Let him go there.”

“I’m not saying anything against it. It’s your house after all.” I mumble.

Brendon watches me for a bit, his gaze searching for what I’m feeling right now.

I feel a bit cheated … kind of. I don’t know why.

“He could talk to Pete and Patrick and tell them that you’re okay. You are okay, right?”

I nod quickly.

“Yes, I think that would be good.” I whisper.

“Okay”

He leans forward and kisses me quickly before he gets up.

“Oh man, it’s noon already. What do you want to eat? I’ll get something on the way.”

I want to tell him that I’ll come with, because I know that it would make him happy, but I can’t.

“I don’t care.” I mumble and bury my face in my pillow.

“Okay. I hope you’re out of bed when I come back or I have to tickle you to death.” He laughs and leaves the room.

Ten minutes later, I hear the front door fall shut.

Slowly, I crawl over to Brendon’s side to press my face into his pillow, taking in his scent. I lie there for half an hour before I decide to finally get up. Without caring about my clothes, I walk into the kitchen just wearing my boxers. I start making some coffee, silently cursing myself for not telling Brendon that he should get some Starbucks coffee, when there’s a knock on the door.

I freeze and turn my head to look at the door. Maybe it’s just Brendon? No, he has a key and he never forgets it. I just stand there, not able to decide what to do.

When it knocks again, I flinch and begin to walk towards the door. I want to ask who it is, but my voice is gone. I grab for the doorknob when I stand right in front of it and take a deep breath before I turn it and the door opens. I lean forward to look who it is and I startle when I see Jon standing in front of the door.

“Hey” he greets with a smile and I just stare at him. “I’m sorry. I know I said that I would be here by tomorrow, but my train got cancelled so I just took the one earlier.”

I’m still not moving and his hands, which were grasping his backpack, fall down by his sides.

“Are you going to invite me in or- ” he starts and I move quickly to open the door.

He steps in and I close the door again. I watch him as he looks around the apartment and then his gaze lingers on me.

“Uhm … I guess you just woke up?” he asks and just now I realize that I’m still just in my boxers.

I shriek and make a run for the bedroom. I close the door behind me and lean against it for a moment before I grab some clothes and put them on. Then I take a deep breath and step out into the hall again. Jon is sitting at the kitchen table and stares at me as if he was waiting desperately for me to come back.

“So … uhm … where’s Brendon?” he asks and looks away.

“He had to give something to a friend.” I mumble and cross my arms over my chest. “I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, I wanted to get to know you better anyway.”

I startle but he doesn’t notice it.

“Am I going to get a coffee?”

I don’t react for a few seconds and then he asks again.

“Uhm … sure” I say and hurry over to the coffee maker.

“You still look like the main character in some Tim Burton movie.” Jon says and I turn around quickly to stare at him. “Grey, but still kind of glowing.”

I start to feel uneasy and press my back against the counter as he grins at me. When I hear the front door open, relief washes over me.

Jon turns his head slightly to look at the door, but then his gaze lingers on me again. I try to ignore him and hurry over to Brendon.

“Hey, Jon’s here.” I whisper and he looks at me with an unreadable look.

“Uhm … okay, do you want to fake sick or- ” he whispers back, looking over at Jon.

“No, it’s okay. I guess.”

Brendon just nods and starts walking into the kitchen.

“Hey, you’re early. I thought you would be here tomorrow.” He says to Jon.

“I had to take an earlier train because the one tomorrow got cancelled.” Jon says and shrugs. “But whatever … now I’m here.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I wanted coffee. Ryan was about to make me some.”

“Oh was he?” Brendon laughs and fills a cup with coffee before he hands it over to Jon.

“How long are you going to stay?” I ask and they both turn their heads to look at me.

“Just a week.”

After that it’s way too silent in the apartment and I feel myself blush.

“So, I brought food. I don’t think it’ll be enough for the three of us though.” Brendon says.

“Oh that’s not a problem. I already ate something on the way.” Jon says with a smile.

“Okay, who wants fast food?”

 

*

 

The rest of the day was really awkward. Brendon and Jon rented some movies and spent the whole day watching them. Brendon asked me to join them, but I didn’t want to see crappy movies, so I decided to read a book in the safety of our bedroom.

I don’t really notice how much time passed when Brendon pokes his head in.

“Hey, we’re heading out for dinner. You want to come?”

I look up from my book and my look seems to tell him everything.

“Please, I refuse to leave you behind.”

I sigh and mark my place in the book before I lay it onto the bed next to me.

“Pretty please?”

I just glare at him and he pouts. We don’t speak for a while and then Brendon’s face lights up as he runs towards the dresser. He grabs something out of it and jumps onto the bed in front of me.

“Here, have your cap back. Now you have to come with us.” He says as he places the newsboy cap on my head.

“Brendon” I start but he holds one finger up to my lips to shush me.

“Don’t  _Brendon_  me. You’re coming with us and it’s going to be awesome.”

I try to protest but he leans forward and kisses me, swallowing my words.

“I’m not going to force you, but remember our conversation.” He says as he rubs over the back of my neck with his thumb.

“No offense, but I really don’t want to.” I say and I can see that sparkle leave his eyes as he nods and gets off the bed.

“Okay, there should be something to eat in the fringe.”

I nod and he leaves the room quickly. A few minutes later I hear the front door close loudly.

Is he angry again?

I can’t really tell.

I just sit there on the bed and fiddle with my hands. It’s just because of Jon. I don’t like him looking at me at all. It’s driving me crazy and not in the good sense.

I want to talk to someone, but no one is here. I take the cap off my head and put it back into the dresser before I head into the living room to get the phone. I just have a bunch of people I know, but I know who to call right now.

The only person who seems to like me a bit after Brendon.

I dial the number and wait for someone to pick up.

“Hello?” a voice asks and I feel a bit better immediately.

“Hey Taylor” I whisper and I hear her squeak on the other end.

It may seem hard to picture, but Taylor and I became really good friends. We just saw each other for two days, but she gave us her number and at first she called everyday to ask how I was doing and stuff. She was like the older sister I always wanted to have.

“Ry-ry! Hey! You didn’t call for … two weeks!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“What’s up? Why are you calling?”

“I just … felt like it.” I murmur and start fiddling with one of the pillows on the couch.

“There is a reason for your call. What is it? Are you okay? Is Brendon okay? Is he being an asshole to you? I swear to god if he- ”

“No, it’s not that.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t really know. I’m just … not doing very well lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s it. I don’t know. I’m just scared and sad and stuff like that and I don’t know why. I always have those dreams where I’m left alone and I can’t stop myself from thinking that one day it will happen.”

She’s silent for a few seconds before I hear a sigh.

“It won’t happen, sweetie. Brendon might be a dork, but he wouldn’t leave you alone. I think he wouldn’t be able to.”

I don’t answer and bite my lip.

“Where is Brendon now?” she asks.

“He’s with Jon.” I sigh.

“Jon? What is he doing there with you?”

“He’s staying here for a week.”

“You don’t sound as if you look forward to that.”

“I really don’t.”

“Aw, Brendon isn’t going to leave you for Jon, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

“Ha, no. I trust Brendon.”

“That’s good. What is it then?”

“I just don’t like Jon. He’s staring at me like a creep.”

“Everyone is staring at you like a creep.”

“Yeah, but he shouldn’t.”

“True. Does Brendon know that you don’t want Jon there?”

“Yes. He just told me that I’m selfish and that he’s doing everything for me so I should do something for him in return. I hate to admit it, but he’s right.”

“Well, then there’s nothing I can do. Hang in there, kid. And don’t get raped by creepy Jon.”

“Yeah, I’ll try.”

“Alright and I want you to call me more often.”

“Okay”

“That’s my boy. I’ll hear from you.”

“Yeah, bye”

“Bye Ry-ry!”

I hang up and put the phone away. I feel a bit better after talking to her, but I’m still feeling a bit misunderstood and alone. Especially because Brendon just left with Jon without even considering to stay.

Okay, I think I’m being selfish again.

I sigh and look around. The apartment really is shitty, but we can’t really afford to buy something different.

In moments like that, I miss the mansion in a way. It was big and I wasn’t caged inside three rooms all the time. I had Pete and Patrick to keep me company. Oh god, I miss them.

After sitting on the couch for ten more minutes, I decide to go on with reading my book, so I get onto the bed again and grab my book.

Half an hour later, my barely used cell phone starts to vibrate and I take it from its place on the nightstand.

I have a new massage. From Brendon.

 

_do u h8 me now?_

_love you_

_xoxo_

 

I roll my eyes and answer with a simple  _‘no’_ before I turn the cell phone off. I place the phone and my book on the nightstand and get off the bed to change into my pyjamas. I don’t care how late (or early) it is. I’m tired and I want to sleep, so I crawl under the covers on Brendon’s side of the bed and bury my face in his pillow. It became a habit for me to sleep on his side when he isn’t there. I don’t know how it started, but otherwise I’m not able to fall asleep.

I close my eyes and soon after that I fall asleep.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

I wanted to be home before midnight. I swear I didn’t plan this.

After dinner at pizza hut, Jon saw a nightclub and wanted to go in. It took him almost twenty minutes to convince me, but eventually we ended up in there. I didn’t even look over to the dance floor and when some girl asked me to dance, I declined.

I think I’m a pretty awesome boyfriend.

I wanted to leave half an hour later, but Jon wanted to stay and in the time he was doing god knows what, I busied myself with some colourful drink.

It started with one drink.

I think you can guess where this is heading.

Now Jon and I are standing in front of my apartment door, giggling like crazy.

“Shush! Ry is sleeping and he gets mean when I wake him up.” I whisper and try to stop laughing, but I fail miserably.

“Let him become mean. I don’t care.” Jon says and grabs the key when I’m not capable of opening the door.

“No! He will hate me. He already hates you. He doesn’t have to hate me too!” I whine and try to stop him from creeping over to the bedroom.

“Jooooon! Stop it you meany!”

Jon almost falls against the door and laughs. Then he opens the door and looks inside.

“Sleeping beauty still asleep?” I ask quietly and peak around him to look inside as well.

“I think so”

“Good and now we have to be really really quiet.” I whisper and pat his hand away to close it myself.

“Okay” Jon says and walks over to the crappy music system I own.

“What are you doing?” I ask and fall onto the couch.

I don’t get an answer, but two minutes later music starts blasting through the apartment.

“EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!” Jon yells before he loses his footing and falls flat on his ass.

“No, I told you to be quiet! Ryan will wake up!” I say try to get off the couch, but everything is spinning and so I fall down on the floor.

“He should have come with us!” Jon yells and lies down completely.

“Turn it down!” I whine without making an attempt to get up.

“Nope”

“You’re a shitty friend. I hate you.”

“I can live with that.”

After a few minutes Jon starts singing along again. I chime in soon after because I totally forgot why I didn’t like the loud music. It doesn’t take us long to forget the lyrics and so we’re just laughing and lying on the floor.

Then suddenly, the music is turned off.

I laugh for another few minutes before I finally look up. Ryan is standing above us. His arms are crossed over his chest and he looks just tired.

“Seriously?” he asks and looks at me with disappointment.

“Huh?” I say and blink up at him.

“Do you even know what time it is?”

“Time to make out?” I ask hopefully.

“It’s three in the morning, Bren.”

“Oh come on. Let Brenny have a bit fun.” Jon says.

“Yeah! Let me have fun.” I whine.

“You had enough fun.” Ryan mumbles.

I groan and get up slowly, grabbing the cough for support. When I know that I’m not going to fall again, I let go and stumble towards Ryan.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

Brendon starts walking towards me and in the next moment, he’s hugging me. Or more like squeezing me to death.

“Don’t hate me, Ry-ry!” he chants. “My beautiful boyfriend!”

“Get off me, you’re drunk.” I say and try to get out of his grip, but he doesn’t let go.

“No! I love you!” he yells and tightens his grip even more. “I will neeeeeeever let you go! Never ever! Because if I would let you go, someone else would get you and I don’t want that to happen. You’re my Ryan and they all want you but they can’t have you!”

Somewhere in between his speech, I stop struggling and just push against him to have a little room to breathe. I sigh and lean my head against his shoulder. Brendon starts to sway us back and forth after a while.

“Can we sleep now?” I whisper and he finally draws back.

“You have to tell me that you love me first!” he demands.

“I love you” I say truthfully.

“Same. I got worried when you didn’t say it back in the message.” He says and smiles.

I nod and then he’s grabbing my hand and stumbling over to the bedroom.

“Jon, you sleep on the couch! I don’t want you near this bedroom till I wake up tomorrow.” Brendon says.

I can’t hear Jon’s response because Brendon shuts the bedroom door loudly behind us. He’s swaying and I’m a bit scared that he’ll fall over.

“I really think that you should lie down.” I say and reach out to steady him.

“No, I think I want to kiss you first.” He giggles and then his lips are on mine.

It’s not like the usual kissing between us. Usually it’s sweet and soft, but this time Brendon kisses demandingly and hard. I think my lips are going to bleed from the force behind it.

“Ouch.” I whine when I manage to get away. “What was that?”

“They can’t have you, Ry.” He says and tries to kiss me again, but I hold him at a distance.

“Who?”

“Everyone!” he yells.

“Did something happen?”

“No!”

“Then what is this about?”

“This is about everyone who’s staring at you with that fucking sex look! Just like you are scared of being alone, I am scared of losing you to one of these creeps!”

“What happened, Bren?” I ask softly.

“I can’t stop thinking about it since that guy at Starbucks hit on you yesterday!”

“Stop yelling. Jon is probably trying to sleep.”

“Fuck Jon! He isn’t any better!”

I sigh and hold one finger to his lips.

“Stop this. You’re not going to lose me and now let’s sleep.”

I lower my hand and make an attempt to step away, but he holds me back.

“You’re all I have, you know? I don’t have my family anymore and Jon is my only friend and I don’t really like him that much.” He says seriously as he stares into my eyes.

His pupils are dilated from the alcohol and I look away quickly. I hate drunken people.

“You’re my family now, Ry.” He whispers and his hand finds mine.

“You’re drunk, Bren.” I say.

Sadness flashes in his eyes and his shoulders slump down.

“Can we sleep?” I ask and he nods.

We walk over to the bed and he falls onto it like a stone. At first I think that he’s already asleep, but then he moves to get under the covers and looks up at me. I don’t show him any kind of emotion and just climb in next to him.

We lie there for a while with that big gap between us till Brendon’s hand moves towards me under the covers. It closes around my arm and tugs slightly. I simply roll onto my side and move closer to him.

He whispers a  _‘thank you’_  and wraps his arms around me. After another minute, he finally passes out and I cuddle closer. His grip doesn’t loosen.

 

*

 

The rest of the night I go through nightmare after nightmare and it doesn’t seem to stop. The dreams contain everything from me being left alone to Brendon dying and when I finally wake up, my face is buried in soaked material. I’m still crying and my sobbing is making it difficult for me to breathe normally.

“Shh, you just had a nightmare.” I hear Brendon’s voice.

I look up a bit to see his face and then down again.

“I’m sorry. I soaked your shirt.” I manage to say.

“It’s okay” he whispers.

I look up again and I’m greeted with a kiss to the forehead.

“I’m sorry about last night.” He whispers.

I need a moment to remember what happened but then it comes back to me.

“But … I meant everything I said.” He goes on.

“You remember?” I ask weakly.

“Yes, I wasn’t  _that_  drunk, Ry.”

“Okay”

He pushes me away carefully so that we are on the same eyelevel and can look at each other.

“I really meant it.” He says again.

“Bren, I’m not your family. Your parents and siblings are your family.”

“Family isn’t just about sharing blood. Didn’t you ever watch Lilo & Stitch?” he laughs softly.

I blink at him blankly, not knowing what he's talking about.

“Anyway. Family means that people love and help each other and that they are never going to leave someone behind.”

“I never had a real family. I just had my father and he … well. I guess it’s just hard for me to think of two people as a family.”

Brendon starts grinning.

“You’re thinking too rational. One day we’ll get married and we’ll have lots of babies.” He giggles.

“Are men already able to get pregnant? Wow, I was dead for too long.”

Brendon bursts out laughing at that.

“No, Ry. Men can’t get pregnant.”

“Then why- ”

“I was joking.”

“Oh okay”

“Unless you really want to play domestic. Because I don’t have a problem with that at all.”

“What?”

“What?”

He grins and reaches out to stroke my hair. I sigh contently and just stare at him.

“Can you promise me something?” I ask after a while and Brendon nods. “Could you … not show up drunk again? It reminds me of my father. I’m not saying that you can’t get drunk at all but just … not when I’m able to see you then, okay?”

“It won’t happen again.”

“I bet it was Jon’s idea.”

“I heard my name in there!” a voice calls from the hall and both, Brendon and I, look up.

“Jon, you creep! Were you listening?” Brendon yells as he sits up.

“Uhm … no?”

“I will kill you when I finally forced myself out of here.”

“Okay”

Brendon sighs and looks down at me.

“Wanna get up? I bet it’s already noon again.”

I nod and sit as well.

“I hate this week already.” I mumble and Brendon just grins apologetically.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

Yes, it is already noon.

Ryan and I managed to get up and now we’re sitting at the kitchen table, eating some leftovers.

Jon already ate something and now he’s just sitting there across from us.

“Why is there a lock on the cupboard?” he asks out of boredom.

I startle and look over to Ryan, who is watching his food as if it knows the meaning of life.

“Uhm”

“I bet you’re hiding sex toys in there.” Jon says then and Ryan starts coughing.

I get up to get him a glass water and roll my eyes.

“Obviously” I say sarcastically.

“What? It is a possibility.” Jon shrugs.

“Not really”

“Wait, does that mean you didn’t- ”

I just stare him down.

“Guys! You didn’t fuck yet?” Jon asks loudly. “How are you even still alive?”

“You’re a sick man, Jon Walker.” I say.

“Alright, alright. Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“Indeed” Ryan hisses and goes on eating.

“Okay, let’s talk about the conversation I accidentally overheard.”

“You were spying. That wasn’t accidentally.”

“It was. So, you want to have a big happy mormon family, Brendon?”

“Oh fuck you!” I say.

I’m really getting annoyed by the guy.

“Tss! You can be happy that I can’t remember last night, because I bet I would have enough material to annoy you your whole life by now.”

I just glare at him.

“Why am I letting you stay again?” I ask and he shrugs.

“Because you don’t have any other friends beside me and Mr. sex toy here.”

“Excuse me?!” I yell.

“Alright, it’s getting a bit uneasy in here. I’m going to take a walk through Vegas now. See you later.” Jon says and gets up, leaving the apartment quickly.

I sit there with my mouth open for a few seconds and then I look at Ryan who finished eating by now.

“Can you fucking believe this?” I ask him and he just shrugs.

“It’s Jon and it’s your own fault he’s here.”

“Oh man, I should have listened to you.”

“Maybe, yes”

I sigh and stare down at the dirty plates.

“I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll clean up this mess.” I say and get up.

“Okay”

“I love you”

“Love you too”

I smile and ruffle his hair before I head for the bathroom.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

I sit there for a bit more and just stare at my empty plate. Then I get an idea and jump off my seat. I get all the dirty dishes and walk over to the sink. Brendon will be happy when they are already clean and he doesn’t need to do it.

It takes me ten minutes to clean everything up and then I look at the kitchen happily. I let out a happy squeak just as the phone rings.

I turn to look at it and frown. No one calls us. Ever

Well, beside Taylor or maybe Jon.

I go into the living room and take the phone.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Brendon?” a woman asks.

“Uhm … no.”

“Who is this?” she asks.

“I’m Ryan, Brendon’s boyfriend. Who am I talking to?”

“His boyfriend?!” she yells and I have to take the phone away for a moment because she’s yelling so loud.

“Yes?”

“So he’s still not cured?”

“Sorry, but who is this?”

“I’m his mother.”

My eyes widen in shock.

Fuck.

“His … mother?”

“Yes!”

I try not to freak out when I go on.

“Okay, what do you want?”

“I wanted to ask my son how he is doing and that we’re ready to forgive him.”

“Forgive what?”

“That he abandoned his church and because of the sin he’s living.”

“Uhm, excuse me- ”

“No! Homosexuality is an abomination! People like you are about to end in hell. Do you really want that?”

I start laughing.

“What is so funny about that?” she hisses.

“I can tell you that there is no such thing as hell or heaven.”

“What?! You know nothing! Of course there is. Good and sinless people go to heaven and people like you don’t.”

“No”

“How would you know? I bet you lived your whole life in sin.”

“Listen, Lady. I know that there isn’t a god. He’s just a way to get money from stupid people.”

“Do you even know what you’re saying?!”

“Yes, I do know what I’m talking about when I say this.”

“I understand why my son ended up with you. You’re even worse then he himself.”

“No, you’re just stupid! I mean, you can’t really believe that Morgan Freeman is sitting up there.”

I saw  _Bruce Almighty_  with Brendon a few weeks ago. I’m allowed to make that comment and I’m really proud of it.

“What?!”

“Just think for once.”

“I always thought that everyone could be saved, but now I know that is a lie.”

“Even with that, you’re wrong.” I laugh.

I am almost about to tell her about what happened to me just so that she realizes that she’s believing in bullshit.

“I would like to talk to my son now.” She demands.

“He’s in the shower.”

“Who is this?”

I turn around and Brendon is standing there. He’s already wearing jeans and is drying his hair with a towel.

“Your mom” I say and his eyes widen.

“What?” he asks in shock.

“Can I talk to him now?” his mother asks and I sigh.

“You are a really stupid woman and I guess you are a shitty mother too. See you in your imaginary hell.” I say and hand the phone over to Brendon who is staring at me as if I just grew another head.

I sit down on the couch and fold my arms while I stare up at Brendon. I make a motion to my ears and Brendon gets it and pushes the button that turns on the loudspeaker so that I can hear what his mother says too.

“Yes? Mom?” Brendon starts off.

“Brendon! I called to tell you that we’re ready to forgive you and that you can come home now but I might have to think about that again.”

“Forgive me? I did nothing wrong!” Brendon says angrily.

“You don’t even see it. I don’t want to say this but you did, but don’t worry, everything can be okay again.”

“Uh huh” Brendon growls and it sounds as if he’s going to explode every minute.

“You just have to start believing what’s right again and get away from that sin you’re with.”

I raise my eyebrows and Brendon glances over at me quickly.

“Listen! I’m not going to believe in that bullshit again. I am not against religion. People can think whatever they want, but I want to believe in whatever  _I_  want! Why can’t you just get that?”

“Because it’s wrong. You’re going to end up in hell!”

“There is no fucking hell, mom!”

“Don’t swear!” she sighs. “I guess that … boyfriend of yours talked you into believing him.”

“He didn’t talk me into anything! And don’t you ever call him a sin again!”

“Listen to yourself.”

“ _You_  listen to  _yourself_.”

“Brendon, I’m just trying to help you. Why can’t you see that?”

“You aren’t helping me! I don’t fucking care about your church or life style. I don’t even care about your family!”

“It is your family as well.”

“No”

“Listen what you’re saying. You’re acting against your own family!”

“I’m not. I have a family. Ryan is my family now. I don’t need you.”

He gives me a small smile and I even manage to give him one in return without forcing myself.

“What? You don’t understand the meaning of family. A family consists of a man and a woman and their children.”

Brendon just sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration as his mother goes on.

“You wanted that when you were younger. You wanted to marry a nice girl and have children. You wanted to form a family on your own.”

“Mom, can you just leave it?”

“Don’t you want something like that, honey?”

“At first, I am 18. I don’t have to think about stuff like that. Second, who says I can’t have that?”

“Brendon- ”

“No. You listen to me now. I don’t care about your life and family and if you ever call again, I’ll change the number. You are a crazy woman; otherwise you would love me no matter what. I’m gay and I love Ryan. He is my family now and that won’t change.”

“I put hope in you. I thought you could change, but you don’t want to. I don’t understand you.”

“Wanna know why I don’t want to come back? I am happy now.”

“You can’t be. This is not you. This is not the kid I raised.”

“I could talk to you for hours without making any progress because you’re just too stubborn. I’m going to hang up now. Have a nice life.”

Then he hangs up without waiting for a response.

“Wow” I whisper. “This is … I’m sorry about your family, Bren.”

“They don’t matter anymore. I almost forgot they exist.”

He puts the phone away and walks into the kitchen just to return a second later.

“Did you wash the dishes?” he asks and I nod happily. “Trying to play wifey, huh?”

“Shut up” I say as I feel a blush creep over my face.

“Do you even know how cute you look when you’re blushing? You’re all pale and stuff and when you blush it’s just adorable.” He says and walks over to me again.

I remain silent and just roll my eyes at him.

“We’re alone, you know? No Jon, it’s just us.”

“Bren, just because Jon mentioned that we never had sex doesn’t mean that we have to do it now.”

“Why not?”

“Because- ”

He grins and takes the last few steps till he stands in front of me. He leans forward so that his lips are almost touching my ear.

“What are you scared of, Ry?” he whispers and a shiver runs down my spine at that.

“I-I’m not scared.” I whisper and curse myself for stuttering.

“Yes you are.”

I raise my arms and push against his chest (he’s still not wearing a shirt) so that he has to take a step back.

“It’s just that … back then people didn’t just … fuck around. Most of them were a virgin till they were married.”

“And that stops you?” Brendon asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, yes.”

“But I’m not a stranger to you. It wouldn’t be  _‘fucking around’_.”

“I know, but- ”

“Wait, that means you’re a virgin, right?”

“Yes?”

“Oh, okay.”  
  
“You seem surprised.”

“Of course, I am.” He says loudly and throws his hands in the air. “Did you ever look at yourself, Ry? You don’t look very … innocent when it comes to sex.”

“What? Are you saying that I look like a slut?”

“No, but you’re a good-looking guy and those usually aren’t a virgin for too long.”

I just blink at him and he makes a frustrated noise.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he says then.

“You’re not a virgin?”

“No”

“Oh … okay”

I’m feeling bad again, because I can’t really give him what he wants. Why would he stay with me then?

“We can do it, if you want.” I whisper after a while.

He stares at me and seems to observe me before he speaks.

“You think that this will stop me from loving you.” He sighs and steps closer again, grabbing my shoulders. “Ry. I don’t care about sex. It’s a nice addition, but I don’t need it. You’re not ready.”

“Okay” I mumble and look down.

It’s silent for a while before Brendon speaks again.

“What do you want to do today?”

I shrug.

“We could go outside?” he asks carefully.

I shrug again.

“You have to answer.”

“Alright”

“Really?”

“Yes”

“Yay!” he yells and runs into the bedroom. “I’m just getting dressed and then we’re out of here.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his enthusiasm. A few minutes later, he runs into the living room again and grabs my hand.

“We could go to Starbucks.” He says happily.

“Isn’t it annoying for you when you’re always there, even when you’re not working?”

“We're not going to the one where I work. I like it there.”

I laugh quietly as he drags me out of the apartment.

 

*

 

We’re standing in the line at Starbucks. Brendon tries to decide if he wants a cookie or a muffin and I’m hanging onto his arm and try to stay unnoticed.

“Fuck this. I’ll buy both!” Brendon says eventually. “Yes, that’s a good idea.”

I say nothing and keep looking around frantically.

Then it’s our turn and Brendon tells the guy behind the counter what he wants. The guy just nods with a bored expression and looks over at me.

“Uhm … I’d like to have a small vanilla latte.” I say.

The guy grins and leans forward.

“You get it for free if I get your number.” He says.

“No, I think we’ll pay for it.” Brendon hisses.

The guy doesn’t even look over at him.

“Let him answer.”

“Could we just get out stuff, please?” Brendon asks harshly.

“I just want an answer.”

I open my mouth but close it again quickly.

“Ryan! My favourite guy!” I hear someone yell and when I turn around I see Gabe.

He just walked in and is grinning as he walks over to us.

“I’ll wait over there with Gabe, okay?” I say to Brendon and turn away without waiting for an answer.

I just want to get away from that guy. When Gabe sees that I’m walking towards him, he beams.

“I want to hug you!” he says and when I’m near enough, he lungs forward and all air leaves my lungs as he squeezes me.

When he steps away again, he motions over to a table and we sit down.

“Is Brendon selling you yet?”

I don’t know if I should be scared or just amused.

“Uhm … no?”

“What a shame.”

“You are scaring me.” I say and lean back a bit, eying him carefully.

“Hm, people say that often.” He states and looks thoughtful.

“My god! That guy was unbelievable!” Brendon, who just walked over to our table, says angrily.

He sits down and hands me my coffee. I take it and notice something is written on the cup.

“He scribbled his number on that.” Brendon growls and bites into his cookie.

“Oh boy! A muffin!” Gabe yells and grabs Brendon’s muffin.

“Hey!” Brendon whines with his mouth full.

Gabe takes a bite and puts it down in front of Brendon again.

“Very good” he says. “Okay, let’s talk about the business.”

I raise an eyebrow and Brendon just grabs his muffin as if to protect it.

“How much do you want for that doll next to you?” Gabe asks mischievously.

Brendon chews slowly and stares at Gabe as if he’s crazy. Well, he obviously is.

“What?”

“He wants you to sell me.” I say and take a sip of my coffee.

“Oh, I won’t sell him.” Brendon says and starts eating his muffin.

“Damnit!” Gabe says and leans back, wearing a smile.

“You’re a creep.” I state.

“Whatever. Let’s do some small talk. Tell me something about you guys.”

“Oh, there’s not much to talk about. Ryan is officially dead, but I brought him back to life and now we’re living in my shitty apartment and are trying to get by.” Brendon says casually and shrugs before he takes another bite of his muffin.

I choke and start couching.

“Oh, I know. Will already told me that you are a zombie.” Gabe says and grins at me.

“I’m not a zombie.” I whine when I finally stopped couching.

“Well, the term  _‘the living dead’_  fits here, don’t you think?”

I blink at him.

“How is it to be dead?” Gabe asks quickly.

“Uhm”

“And how did you die? Will tried to explain some stuff to me but it was boring and so I didn’t listen.”

I open my mouth to answer, but he interrupts again.

“Man, this is kind of like a Disney story, you know? Sleeping beauty or something like that.”

“Sleeping beauty?” Brendon asks with amusement.

“No. I’ll think of one that fits. Wait for it.”

Gabe stares at the table next to us thoughtfully for a few minutes before he gives up.

“Hey, I have an idea. I get Ryan and you get William.” Gabe says with a grin and looks at Brendon expectantly.

“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” Brendon asks with his mouth full.

“Oh come on. I would even bring him over so he doesn’t die.”

“Uhm”

“I wouldn’t die.” I say simply. “It takes more for one to die.”

“Oh? But William told me that- ” Gabe starts but Brendon cuts him off.

“Doesn’t matter.”

I look between the two with confusion. Gabe seems curious and Brendon is biting his lip nervously.

“What?” I ask and lean forward.

Gabe looks over at Brendon and then back at me.

“That’s something to be serious about, I guess.” He says and watches Brendon again. “And it’s not my place to tell you.”

I stare at him. Then I let my gaze wander over to my boyfriend.

“Bren?” I start.

“Not here, not now.” He says and glares at Gabe.

“This is obviously about me and I deserve to know it.” I hiss.

“I said not now.” He repeats and looks away.

“Dude, don’t be a dick.” Gabe says.

Brendon remains silent.

Something touches my shoulder out of sudden and I flinch. When I turn, I see the guy from the counter standing over me.

“So, are you going to call me?” he asks with a mischievous smile. “I promise it will be worth it.”

My eyes widen as I search for words. I want him to be gone. I want people like him to leave me alone even more desperately then normal and nice ones.

“Get the fuck away from him or I will shove my shoe up your ass.” Brendon growls and a shiver runs down my back at his voice.

The guy looks at Brendon as if he can’t believe what he just heard.

“You seem a bit controlling, buddy. I think he can decide on his own.” He says to Brendon.

“Fuck off!” Brendon says loudly. “Can’t you fucking see that he’s  _my_  boyfriend? Are you always running around trying to fuck other people’s boyfriends?”

“No, but in this case I have to make an exception.” The guy grins stupidly.

“We’re leaving.” Brendon says calmly, yet it sounds like a threat.

He gets up and looks at me expectantly.

“Yeah, I should finally get William his coffee.” Gabe says and gets up as well and I see the glare he shoots the guy.

“See you” Brendon grumbles and grabs my hand.

“Call me!” the guy yells after us and I hear Brendon growl something under his breath as we walk out.

“That guy can be happy that I’m not working at this one, because I swear I would kill him!” 

I think about something to say but remain silent.

“Hey, are you okay?” Brendon asks.

“Yes” I whisper.

“Okay”

We walk along the sidewalk for a bit till we reach a small park. It’s not too crowded and so we sit down on the grass. We don’t talk and so I start to watch the people around us.

There’s a couple sitting a few feet away from us. They are talking quietly and I lose interest quickly. Then there’s a girl walking her dog and I realize how awesome it would be to own a dog or a cat. I smile sadly to myself. My gaze lingers on a family then. There’s a small playground where a boy and a younger girl are running around. They are maybe between four and seven years old. The parents are sitting nearby, never leaving their children out of sight.

I think about my own childhood. It wasn’t like this at all.

“Ry?” Brendon asks suddenly and I turn my head towards him. “What’s wrong?”

I observe him for a moment before I turn my gaze towards the family again.

“Was your childhood like that?” I ask slowly.

Brendon doesn’t answer immediately. He moves closer to me and watches the family as well.

“Actually, yes” he whispers then.

“Then you were lucky.”

“Tell me about it.”

“No”

“Please, I want to know.”

I sigh and he wraps an arm around my shoulder to push me against his side.

“My mom left when I was really young. I can’t even remember her. My father didn’t know what to do with me. We never went to a playground. He always told me that I was a mistake and that I was ruining his life. He told me that since I was a three-year-old. He even said it to me when I was already dying. He- ” I stop to swallow. “He started laughing because he was so happy that I would finally be gone. Something like that kind of ruins you.”

Just now, I notice that a few tears are rolling down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Ry.” Brendon whispers and turns to hug me. “If he wouldn’t be dead already I would kill him.”

“He didn’t even see me when I was dead. Most people saw me, but he didn’t.” I sob and Brendon rubs my back to soothe me.

We sit like that for what feels like hours and when Brendon pulls back, I’m not crying anymore.

“I think I should tell you.” Brendon says and looks away.

“What?” I ask, but then I remember immediately. “You mean what you didn’t want to tell me at Starbucks?”

He nods and reaches out to take my hands in his.

“When I talked to William, he asked me about the spell I used to get you back, because even if they all work the same, every single one has a side effect.”

I don’t know if I really want to know what he will tell me, but I nod and he goes on.

“The spell I used was a common one and the same one Taylor’s father used.”

He bites his lip and I just stare at him. I’m scared.

“The side effect is that you’re not able to live on your own. You are kind of … bound to me.”

I blink several times to show him that I don’t quite understand.

“It means that your existence is dependent on me. That means that you feel best when I’m around and … if I would die … you would too.”

I just stare at him with big eyes as I try to get into my head what he just told me.

“And I talked to William again when I brought him the key. He searched a bit because he was curious and he told me why that is. It’s a bit complex but the main reason is that you don’t own a soul, so you have to borrow a part of mine or something like that. Anyway, that just works if I’m not too far away.”

My gaze drops so I’m staring at his shirt with sad eyes.

“It was like that with Taylor’s mom. It wasn’t just a car accident that killed her. Taylor’s dad had to leave for a few days because of his work and when he was too far … she died. She was in the car at the moment, that’s why it looked like a car accident.”

“Stop … please” I whisper.

“We also have the same blood.”

I look up at that and he shrugs.

“That’s a bit too much information.” I say and he nods.

He raises one hand and places in on my shoulder.

“That’s another reason for me not to leave you. It would kill you.” He says and leans forward to bring our foreheads together.

“I want to go home. I want to sleep.” I murmur and he nods.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

I know that Ryan isn’t okay. He’s just staring ahead and probably thinking too much as always.

When we arrive at home, I have to push him through the door and towards the bedroom.

“I have to work tomorrow, but I’ll try to come home early, okay?” I say as I close the bedroom door behind us.

“Can I come with you?” Ryan asks and it sounds so miserable that I almost give in.

“No, Ry.”

“Why not? I can just sit in the corner and read. I won’t annoy you or something.”

“You stay at home.”

“Why?”

He sounds as if he’s near tears.

“Ry, this doesn’t have to change everything.”

“But it explains a lot. I can’t sleep when you’re not here, unless I crawl over to your side of the bed. I always feel so miserable when you’re at work and have those bad thoughts.”

I noticed that he always slept on my side when I came home from work late, but I always just thought that it was cute.

“Well, now you know why that is. Stay here, read a book, watch TV or do whatever, but stay here.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not a dog that lies in a corner while I’m at work.”

He opens his mouth but closes it again.

“Fine” he whispers and turns to change into his pyjamas.

“Come on. Don’t hate me. Let’s eat something.” I say and reach out for him.

“I’m not hungry.” He mumbles and steps back.

“I don’t care if you’re hungry or not. You eat something.”

He just glares at me.

“I don’t really get why you’re angry.” I say.

“I’m angry because I thought that something changed and that I’m free to go wherever I want now, but that’s not true. The only difference is that I’m not bound to the house, but to you.” He says angrily. “I’m not even angry at you. I’m angry at myself for being so naïve.”

“Ryan, when you want to go somewhere, then you just have to tell me and we’ll go there.” I say carefully.

He sighs and turns to face me again.

“It’s just … I wanted to forget all of this and just be normal, but that doesn’t seem to be a possibility.” He whispers sadly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. No need to be sorry.”

“I am anyway. Sometimes it feels like I forced you to do something you didn’t want.”

Ryan looks away and my heart starts to ache at that.

“I’ll make dinner.” I say and step out into the hall and close the door behind me.

I lean against the door and take a few deep breaths before I start walking into the kitchen. Just when I want to open the fringe, there’s a knock on the door. I sigh and make my way over to the door.

“Hello buddy!” Jon yells when I open it. “Vegas is awesome!”

I roll my eyes and let him in before I close the door again. He looks around and turns to me.

“Where’s ghost boy?” he asks with a grin.

“Mind your own business.” I murmur under my breath and walk past him.

“What’s eating you?”

“Nothing”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fuck off, Jon.”

He sits down on the kitchen table and I grab some leftovers and start to heat it up.

“Did you guys argue again?” Jon asks.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Stop acting like a bitch.”

I whirl around to face him.

“Could you just shut up, please? No one needs your comments here!” I hiss.

“Oh man”

I just want to yell something else at Jon, when I hear the bedroom door open. A few seconds later, Ryan walks in. He leans against the wall and glares at Jon.

“You’re not very pretty when you’re glaring like that.” Jon states.

“Mind to leave the room, Jon?” I ask angrily and he just shrugs and walks out.

Ryan looks after him.

“I don’t know why he’s still here.” He says and walks over to sit down.

“Honestly? I don’t know it either, but I’m not heartless. I won’t kick him out.”

“Whatever”

An awkward silence falls over us and I watch as Ryan starts biting his lip.

“I’m glad that I’m here and not at the mansion, you know.” He says after a while.

“That’s good to know.” I shrug.

“I love you”

I can’t help but notice that it sounds like a plea.

When I just shrug again, Ryan gets up and walks over to me. He stops right in front of me and just looks at me with sad eyes. We stay like that for a few minutes and then I can’t stand it anymore.

In a quick motion, I reach out and press him against me.

“Sorry” I whisper. “I love you too.”

He nods against my neck and I just tighten my grip.

In moments like this, I always tell myself that it will get better, but it never does. He always seems to slip away again, no matter how tight I hold on. It reminds me of the island and how I wasn’t able to pull him over at the road with me. It’s as if the invisible wall is still kind of there.

“My god, grow a backbone already.”

I look up and see Jon standing in the door, rolling his eyes.

“Both of you. You are making a drama out of everything. I can’t stand it anymore.” He goes on.

“Get out.” I say.

He just rolls his eyes again.

“No, seriously. Get out of my apartment!”

“Alright!” he yells and throws his arms in the air. “I’ll leave and get drunk. Geez”

I’m ready to go after him when he walks away and shuts the front door behind him with a loud bang, but Ryan holds me back.

“He’s not worth it.” He says and I just nod.

 

*

 

After we ate something, we lie down on the couch. I know that Ryan doesn’t like watching TV very much, but he accepts it when I watch and he lies on top of me. I stroke his hair with one hand and hold the remote with the other.

“Can’t you call in sick tomorrow?” Ryan whispers.

“No, I already did that on Friday and we really need the money.” I answer.

“Okay”

“You sound tired, we should sleep.”

He makes a disapproving sound and buries his face in my chest.

“Come on. Get up.” I laugh softly.

He groans but gets up and starts walking towards the bedroom.

“Hey, you forgot something!” I whine and he turns to look at me sleepily. “Me!”

“Come on then.” He says and I roll my eyes playfully before I get up to follow him.

I reach him and shut the bedroom door behind us before I grab his waist und pull him down on the bed with me.

“I really wish you could stay home tomorrow.” He whispers and I agree silently.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Hey hey hey” a voice sing-songs. “Wake up”

I groan and try to bury my face in the pillow, but someone grabs my hair and pulls my head up.

“I said wake up!” the voice says.

My eyes are still closed and I’m not sure if I want to see what is happening, because this is not Brendon and not even Jon.

“I know that you’re not asleep!” the voice says and I force my eyes open.

Above me stands a man with black unwashed hair. I look around in shock, but I’m still in our bedroom.

In one quick motion, I sit up and retreat against the headboard.

“Who are you?” I ask and it sound miserable and scared.

“You don’t have to know that.” He says. “Get dressed.”

I just stare at him for a while. Just now, my mind catches up and fear washes over me. My heart is beating so fast that I’m not sure it will stay in one piece. I dare one look at the clock. It’s a bit before noon. Brendon is already at work.

“Do I have to tell you again?” The man growls and I want to shake my head, but I’m not able to move.

“Who are you?” I ask again.

“Ask one more question and I will kill you on the spot.”

I flinch and draw my knees up to my chest when I notice the gun in his hand.

“No you’re not. That’s not how it’s meant to be.” Another voice says and I look past the first man to see another one standing in the door.

He’s smaller and doesn’t look so dangerous, but when I catch his eye, his expression scares me just as much.

“Get dressed or I’ll knock you out and do it for you.” The first man growls and I nod and jump off the bed.

I grab some clothes lying around and run into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I let my head fall backwards against it and try to get my breath under control again.

What’s going on? Who are these men? What do they want?

Something bangs on the door and I jump away from it immediately.

“I give you two minutes till I come in!” the man yells and I make a miserable noise out of fear.

I stand there for a few seconds before I realize what he said. Carefully, I walk over to the mirror cabinet and open it to search for something that will help me, but there’s nothing, of course.

“Fuck” I whine quietly and look at the door with fear.

I look around the room, but there’s nothing that would help me against them.

“One minute!” he shouts and I whimper.

Quickly, I start to get dressed, panic rising inside of me with every move.

“Alright, time’s up! Come out!” he yells and I stare at the lock of the door.

Maybe it will be able to hold him back.

“Open the fucking door!”

I flinch and step backwards till I hit the wall. There’s a solid noise and my eyes widen as I feel for my back pocket. Something’s in there.

My phone.

I let out a relieved breath, but just then the door opens with a bang and something hard hits my head.

Then everything is black.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

Work today is really boring. People usually come by before their work and no one comes around noon. I stand there behind the counter and count the seconds in my head.

My mind wanders to Ryan. I bet he’s still asleep.

On my side of the bed.

A small smile creeps over my face at that image.

“Urie! Finally!” someone yells and I look up.

“Jon” I sigh. “What do you want here?”

Jon stumbles in, holding his head with one hand.

“Dude, too many Starbucks’ in fucking Vegas. Seriously, I came by three other ones.”

“Nice, what is it?” I ask and fold my arms over my chest.

“I just wanted to ask if I’m still allowed to stay at your place.”

I roll my eyes.

“Of course, I’m not going to throw you out.”

“Thanks man. Do you have aspirin here or something? Worst hangover ever.”

“No, this isn’t a pharmacy.”  
“Damn, you’re right. God, I can’t even remember what happened.”

“Uh huh” I mumble, not really listening.

“Could I get a coffee? I’ll pay you later.”

I glare at him but nod.

“Thanks” he says and a minute later, I hand him his coffee. “I’ll just sit down for a bit.”

He sits down on the nearest table and starts to sip his coffee. I begin to clean the counter a few minutes later, because I’m really bored. When I’m finished with that, I sigh and walk over to sit next to Jon. He finished his coffee and is burying his face in his hands.

I stay silent and just look around the empty room.

Then, Jon’s head shoots up out of sudden.

“What?” I ask emotionless and without really looking at him.

“Fuck, I remember what happened last night.”

“Nice”

“Fuck, call Ryan!”

I turn towards him with one quick motion.

“What? Why?”

“Uhm, I think I did something stupid! Do it already! Tell him to leave or something. No, better! Call the cops!”

“What happened?” I ask and get up to get my phone.

“Fucking call him!”

“Alright, alright”

I admit that I’m getting a bit scared, because Jon seems serious. I dial the number of our house phone and wait. With every second that passes, my fear rises. When the voicemail goes off, I hang up and stare at Jon.

“Tell me what the fuck happened?!” I demand.

“Uhm, there was this guy and we started talking and he was a complete religion freak. You know, god here, god there. We talked about death and stuff and I might have mentioned Ryan. Then he suddenly wanted to meet him and I think I remember giving him your address.”

I stare at him with my mouth open.

“You did what?!” I yell, already dialling another number on my phone.

“I’m sorry. I was really drunk and- ”

“Shut up!”

“What are you doing?”

“I call Ryan’s phone.” I say and hold the phone to my ear.

It takes a few seconds for someone to get it. I don’t even wait and start talking.

“Thank god, Ry. Jon is here and he’s completely frightened and I thought- ”

“Sorry, Ryan can’t come to the phone right now.”

My eyes widen at the strangers’ voice.

“Who are you and where is Ryan?”

“Oh, he’s here with me. He’s just not conscious.”

“What did you do to him, you sick freak?” I hiss.

“Oh, I just hit him over the head. Nothing really bad.”

“I swear to god if you hurt him or even touch him I will find you and kill you!”

“Try”

Then the line is dead. I stand there, the phone still on my ear.

“Who was that?” Jon asks.

I say nothing and walk behind the counter to get my backpack.

“Bren?”

I throw it over my shoulder and make my way to the door.

“Bren, where are you going?”

“To the police”

“Who was that?”

“I think I should ask you that.”

He gets up and follows me out of the Starbucks.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

I whirl around and Jon steps back.

“It’s nice that you’re sorry, but it won’t get me Ryan back. So shut up and try to help me out here or leave.”

Jon bites his lip and gives a small nod.

“And now let’s hope that the police can locate the phone before it’s too late.”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I wake up, everything is spinning and I feel sick. I don’t open my eyes and try to listen for a noise. There’s nothing.

Slowly, I open my eyes and just then my head starts to hurt like hell. I groan and look around. I’m in a small room, most likely a motel room. I try to raise my hands, but I just manage it with one. I look up to see that my right hand is tied to the headboard of the bed I’m lying on.

I have to close my eyes again, because the room seems to move and because of my headache.

“Good morning” a voice says and I open my eyes again. “You have to feel awful by now.”

I narrow my eyes because it hurts to keep them open.

“Okay, enough playing.”

I keep staring at him without saying something.

“I’m Gerard and my partner’s name is Frank. We’re here to clean up your mess.”

I want to ask him what he means, but not a single sound comes out of my mouth.

“Do you even know what you did? You messed up God’s plan. Didn’t you ever think that everything that happened was meant to be?”

Oh no, not again.

I let my head rest on the pillow again and close my eyes. I’m so tired.

“We have to make it right again. I guess I should thank your alcoholic friend that he told us about you. Either way we wouldn’t have found out about you and everything would have stayed as messed up as it is right now.”

It’s so hard to listen to him. What is wrong with me?

“What did you do to me?” I manage to whisper.

He starts to laugh.

“We didn’t do anything. Well, the headache might be caused by me, but otherwise it’s not our doing. It’s because of the distance between you and whoever freed you.”

Oh

“Actually, we wanted to get him as well, but he wasn’t there this morning. I guess we have to wait till he starts to search for you. We don’t want you to die yet.”

I feel how I start to fall asleep again.

“Fucking church freaks” I whisper before everything is black again.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“Can you track a phone?” I ask loudly as I run into the police station.

All heads turn to look at me and I feel so frustrated.

“What’s the matter, boy?” a woman asks me.

She’s wearing a police uniform and has red curly hair.

“My boyfriend got kidnapped!” I say.

“Are you sure? Maybe he just went somewhere and didn’t tell you.”

“No! I know! I tried to call his phone and some guy has it and he said that Ryan was with him!”

“Alright, come with me, please.”

“Jon knows what the guy looks like!”

She stops in her tracks and looks at Jon. Then she nods and motions for him to follow as well. We walk along a hallway and stop in front of a door. The woman opens it and inside is a small room. We walk inside and she motions for us to sit down on the table that seems to fill the whole room.

“Can you give me the number?” she asks and I nod.

I scribble the number down on the note she gave me and hand it back to her.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

I nod and look after her as she leaves.

“Fuck, this is serious.” Jon says and I just glare at him.

“It is. And it’s your fault. I swear if something happens to Ryan, I'll blame you!”

He swallows and nods quickly.

We sit there for several minutes till the door opens.

“My partner would like to ask your friend a few questions about the person who kidnapped your boyfriend.” The woman says and I look over to Jon.

He nods and gets up to walk out. The woman closes the door behind him and walks over to sit across from me.

“I’m office Romanoff. I’d like you to tell me everything you know.”

 

After I told her my name and all that stuff, I start to tell her everything Jon told me and what the guy said on the phone.

Just when we’re finished, the door opens. Jon and a man are walking in.

“We know who it is.” The man says.

“Who?” I ask desperately.

“His name is Gerard Way. He’s usually with his partner Frank Iero.” He explains. “They killed many people because of religious reasons. We didn’t manage to find them till now.”

“Did you manage to track the phone?” I ask.

“Yes. They are in a motel on the other side of Vegas. We have to get there fast.”

I take a deep breath.

“Still in Vegas, that’s good. Not too far.” I say and sit back.

“We’ll head out immediately.” The man says with a nod at Officer Romanoff.

“Wait! Can I come with you?”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

“Please. You don’t understand. I need to come with you!”

“Why?”

I swallow and look between them pleadingly.

“I just … please.”

Officer Romanoff looks over at her partner and nods.

“Alright, but just you.”

“Thank you” I breathe out.

“Let’s hurry.” She says.

I nod and get up to follow them out of the room, leaving Jon to himself.

 

*

 

Officer Romanoff and her partner, Officer Barton hurried to the car and I had problems to follow them in time. I jumped into the backseat of the police car and then they already sped off.

Somewhere on the way, I fell asleep and when I wake up again, we’re not driving anymore.

My neck hurts from leaning against the window for so long, but I don’t care.

I’m alone in the car and when I look out of the window, I spot Officer Romanoff and Officer Barton. They are talking to an elderly woman. They keep nodding and Officer Barton writes something down.

Slowly, I open the door and get out of the seat. Officer Romanoff turns her head and when she spots me, she says something to her partner before she starts walking towards me.

“Where’s Ryan?” I ask pathetically.

“I’m sorry. They are already gone.” She says.

My gaze drops and my hands turn into fists.

“Another bad thing is that they shut the phone off, so we can’t locate it anymore. But there are some good news as well.”

I look up hopefully and I feel like a child out of sudden.

“That woman overheard a conversation when she cleaned the room next to theirs. We know where they are heading.”

“Where?”

“Some place called Grey Valley.”

My heart stops for a moment and I stare at her with wide eyes.

“Can I make a phone call?” I ask breathlessly.

“Of course” she says and walks over to her partner again.

I get my phone out of my pocket and dial the number as fast as I can.

“Come on, come on” I murmur when I wait for someone to pick up.

“Hello?” a voice asks.

“Taylor!”

“Brendon? Hey, what’s up?”

“You want to know what’s up? Ryan got kidnapped by some church freaks and they are heading for Grey Valley. That’s up!”

There’s silence for a few seconds.

“What?!”

“It’ll take them about two days to get there.”

“Alright, I’ll wait at the village entrance to kick their asses! If they hurt Ry, they need to die!”

“Yeah” I whisper and I can feel the tears hot in my eyes.

“Bren?”

“Huh?”

“He’s going to be okay. I swear. Where are you?”

“I’m at the motel they stopped, but they are already gone. The police allowed me to come with them.”

“Okay. Listen, even if they make it to Grey Valley, they won’t be able to go any further then that. I’m here and the whole village will be with me when I ask them to help. He’ll be okay.”

“Okay” I whisper.

I’m crying now, I just can’t hold it back anymore.

“It’s just … I’m scared that he’ll be too far away and- ”

“And what?”

“Oh, you don’t know it yet. He’ll die if he’s too far away from me.”

“Okay, I guess this isn’t a good moment for you to explain it properly.”

“No, not really.” I laugh sadly.

“Just calm down. It will be okay.”

I nod to myself.

“Yes, alright. Thank you”

“Anytime”

“I guess I’ll see you in a few days then.”

“If you don’t get him till then, yes.”

“Okay, see you.”

“Yeah, bye”

I hang up and wipe my tears away, just to make place for new ones.

I just hope Taylor is right. She has to be right.

“We’ll drive off again.” Officer Romanoff says as they walk towards me.

When she sees my face, a sad expression covers her face.

“Don’t cry. He will be okay. Who were you talking to?”

“A friend of mine. She lives in Grey Valley and she said that if they get there, she and the whole village will fight them off to get Ryan.” I explain with a not-so-calm voice.

“That’s good.” She says with a smile. “Now, let’s get in so we can head out.”

I nod and climb into the car again.

I hope they are right.

I hope nothing happens to Ryan.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

The next time, I wake up, the headache is gone, but I still feel dizzy and ready to throw up.

I open my eyes a bit to look around. I’m in another motel room, again tied to the bed.

I try to think about the date or the time, but I lost track. I just lie there. My breathing is way too loud for my liking.

“Your friend is after us.” I hear Gerard’s voice.

I don’t turn to look at him and just close my eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” I breathe out.

“Because you broke God’s rules.”  
I would laugh if I wouldn’t feel so damn weak right now.

“There isn’t even a fucking god.” I whisper.

It’s silent for a few seconds and then my cheek feels as if it’s on fire.

I need a moment to realize that he just slapped me.

“Don’t you ever say that again. God planned for you to die and you broke the rules. You’re not meant to be in this world. Your time is over.”

I close my eyes completely and try to block him out.

“Frankie, get the knife.”

I try to open my eyes again, but find myself not able to.

Then I fall back into unconsciousness.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

We drove for twelve hours straight. I slept part of it, but most of the time I look out the window and hope that everything will be okay, just like everyone tells me.

I look up from my beloved window to watch the Officers. Officer Romanoff is driving and Officer Barton seems to sleep.

“Officer Romanoff?” I ask quietly.

“You can call me Natasha.” She says calmly and I nod to myself.

“Uhm okay. How do you even know where to go?”

“Well, I’m heading straight for Grey Valley.”

“Oh, okay”

“There’s really nothing else we can do.”

“I see.”

Suddenly, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I get it out to see that I have a new massage from Jon.

 

_Did u find Ry yet?_

 

I decide to ignore it.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

The next time I wake up, I’m not tied to the bed. There are handcuffs holding my hands together in front of my body instead. I open my eyes and look around. It’s not surprising that I’m in another dirty motel room. I wait and listen to noises, but I seem to be alone this time. Maybe they went out to eat something.

Just now, I realize how hungry and thirsty I am. I don’t know how long I’m already with them, but it seems to be longer then a day already.

I take a deep breath and try to ignore the dizziness that’s still not gone. Slowly, I sit up in the bed. My back cracks and I groan. Suddenly, pain shoots up my arm and I groan even louder. When I look down at my left arm, there are several bloody cuts. I swallow and try not to think about Brendon and how much he hated the scars which were already there.

I look around again, this time with blind frustration. The first thing that catches my eye is the door. Slowly, I throw my legs over the edge of the bed and try to get up, but my knees don’t manage to hold me up and so I fall to the floor. The room is spinning and I have to close my eyes for a moment.

When I open them again, nothing changed, but something else catches my eye.

A phone.

It has to belong to the motel.

I raise my hands and grab the edge of the bed to push me to my feet again. Then I stand there for a bit, just trying to get my balance under control. I look up.

The phone is about three feet away from the bed. I’m lucky when I manage to make it there without crashing to the ground again.

Carefully, I make my first step and it works as long as I hold on to the bed. When the bed is too far to hold on to, I take a deep breath and let go. I’m swaying a bit but I manage it to the small table where the phone is. I crash down in the chair in front of it and let my head fall on the cold surface of the table. After several minutes, I raise my head again and look at the phone. It has to look awkward when I raise my hands onto the table and grab the phone. I dial Brendon’s number with both hands and raise the phone to my ear. It seems like forever till he finally gets it.

“Hello?” he asks, sounding tires.

“Bren” I breathe out.

There’s shuffling on the other end of the line and when Brendon talks again he sounds relieved, but near tears.

“Ry! Oh my god! Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Nice to hear you, too.” I whisper, because I can’t get my voice to be louder then that.

“You don’t sound so good.” Brendon states and I can hear that he’s crying.

“Well, I don’t feel really good.”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know, sorry.”

“Can’t you just look out the window?”

“I can barely stand on my feet. I was lucky that I made it to the phone.”  
“What did they do to you?”

“Nothing too bad. I just … I think they cut my arm while I was asleep.”

“What?! Is it bleeding badly? You should have called the police or the ambulance rather then me!”

“It’s not so bad, but I’m afraid you have to accept that there will be a few more scars after this. Well, when I make it out of this alive, that is.”

“You will! Everything will be okay. They are taking you to Grey Valley and when they get there, Taylor will wait for them with the whole village behind her back.”

“Will you be there?”

“I’m on my way.”

“Hurry. I feel like shit.”

Suddenly, there is another voice on the other line, but I can’t understand it.

“No, he doesn’t know.” Brendon says to the person.

“Who’s with you?” I ask.

“The police”  
I nod to myself and try to keep my eyes open.

“Ry?”

“Huh?”

“I love you. Hang in there, okay?”

“Love you too”

There’s a loud noise out of sudden and then the phone is ripped out of my hands.

“You little piece of shit!” Gerard growls and then his hand collides with the side of my face.

I fall off the chair and hit the floor hard.

“My god, calm down. One would think you’re a Satanist.” Frank says.

“He doesn’t deserve my kindness.”

I close my eyes to stop the room from spinning, but the feeling stays. I start to ask myself how they plan on keeping me alive till we reach Grey Valley.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

Panic rises inside me when I hear shuffling on Ryan’s end of the line.

“Ryan!” I yell into the phone, but then the line is dead.

I let out a loud whimper and throw the phone next to me on the seat.

We’re not driving anymore. Natasha pulled the car into a parking lot when Ryan called and both of them listened carefully.

Officer Barton, or rather Clint, reached next to me to grab the phone. Hopefully to trace the number.

Natasha turned to watch me.

“What did he say? Is he hurt?” she asks.

“He- … they cut his arm and he’s … not feeling good. Then- ” I stopped to take a deep breath. “I think they caught him. Suddenly the line was dead.”

“Okay, calm down. I told you that everything will be okay and I’m going to keep that promise.”

I nod hysterically and she smiles sadly before she turns towards Clint.

“Are you able to track it?”

Clint shakes his head and hands me my phone again.

“What?! Why can’t you track it down?! You have to!” I yell and Natasha shushes me.

“We’ll continue like we planned. We’ll head for Grey Valley.” She says and starts the car again.

“What if they do something to him? What if he doesn’t make it there?”

“He will.”

“But what if he won’t?!”

I’m yelling again and tears are running down my cheeks like a waterfall.

“Calm down, please.”

“No! Some psychos kidnapped my boyfriend and he just called me and he sounded completely miserable and they fucking  _hurt_  him! How am I supposed to calm down?!”

“Please”

“No! I promised him to take care of him. I fucking promised!”

“You are taking care of him as best as you can at the moment.”

“I just want this to be over!”

“We all want that.”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

I didn’t fall asleep again.

They threw me on the bed again and really, I’m not able to get up by myself one more time.

“We have to hurry. We don’t know what he told his friend.” Frank says and grabs his backpack.

I turn my head in an attempt to follow their steps, but the room is spinning and I can’t focus.

“Did you park the van in front of the door?” Gerard asks.

“Yes, of course”

“Good, grab his legs.”

I need a moment to realize that they are about to heave me up to get me into their car. And a car means distance. Distance means death.

“No!” I yell and try to struggle away from them, but I seem to move right into their arms, because in the next moment, they are lifting me off the bed and towards the open door.

“Shut your mouth or I will kill you right on the spot! I swear!” Gerard growls.

I’m about to yell again, because I could care less, but then an image of Brendon comes into my mind and I decide to shut up.

“Good boy” Frank says and in the next moment, I’m thrown into the back of their wan.

I wasn’t in here while being conscious before.

They close the door and I’m left alone in darkness. The nothing around me is spinning and I try to focus, but I can’t see anything and so I close my eyes. When the car starts driving, it gets even worse. I feel as if I’m being ripped apart from the inside.

I lean backwards till my head hits the wall and close my eyes.

Minutes or hours pass by, I don’t know anymore, but the feeling inside me gets even worse.

When it starts to get unbearable, I begin to scream.

At first I yell for Brendon, but with time it just turns into screaming without real words.

Then the screaming turns into crying and then crying turns into dry sobbing.

“We’re almost there. Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon.” I hear Frank’s voice from the passenger seat.

“Stop this. Please, just stop this.” I whisper, but I doubt that they can hear me.

They don’t, because I don’t get an answer.

“Stop it!” I yell with my last strength.

“Do you understand why you shouldn’t be alive now? You just suffer. It will be better when this is over, I swear.”

His last words sound muffled and then I fall to the side, off to sleep or something deeper.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

I can’t stop crying. Natasha even stopped her tries to calm me, because it was useless.

I just sit in the back seat. My head is leaning against the cold window and the tears are rolling down my cheeks. I’m not sobbing or making any sound at all. I’m just crying quietly.

“We should stop somewhere.” I hear Clint say.

“Maybe, yes.” Natasha agrees.

“No!” I yell and sit up. “Keep driving! He’s too far away already. Please keep driving!”

They look at each other and then Natasha nods.

“Thank you” I whimper and lean my head against the window again.

“Brendon, can I ask you something?” Natasha asks after a while.

“Uh huh”

“Why would they be after Ryan? It can’t be because he’s gay, because Gerard and Frank are gay themselves.”

“You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“I can try. I’m very open-minded.”

“No, you would think I’m crazy.”

“I won’t think you’re crazy. I promise.”

I sigh and wait a few seconds before I speak again.

“I know why they are taking him to Grey Valley.” I whisper. “It’s where Ryan died.”

There’s silence for a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that when I first met him, he was dead.”

“Uhm … okay”

“I brought him back to life.”

“Brendon- ”

“You see? I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just … not possible.”

“That’s pretty much the same.”

She sighs and shrugs.

“Just ask Taylor’s dad when we’re in Grey Valley. He’s the one who helped me.”

“This is crazy. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.”  
“I know.”

“But whatever. Alright. I play along. Why would they be after him then?”

“I don’t know it for sure, but seeing that they are taking him to Grey Valley … I think they want to kill him. You said they are religious freaks. It would fit. People like them think that he should be dead for sure.”

“Would make sense.”

“Yes, if you believed me.”

“Yes, if I believed you.”

 

*

 

**3 rd POV**

 

It’s two days after Brendon’s phone call and Taylor is sitting on the outskirts of the village, watching the road. She informed the whole village and they will be ready to help at any second.

When a black van comes into view, she gets up and tries to glare it down as it comes nearer.

She gets her phone out and dials her father’s number.

“I think they’re here.” She just says and hangs up again.

A few minutes later, most of the people of the village are out of their houses. It reminds a bit of a fight between villages a few hundred years ago.

Taylor and her father told the people in town pretty much everything and they immediately agreed to help. Taylor shoots the approaching van another glare before she turns to walk over to the others.

They are forming a wall out of people so that the van won’t be able to drive into the village.

The van stops a few feet away and at first, nothing happens.

Then the doors open and two men get out of the car.

“What the fuck is this?” the one with black dirty hair asks angrily.

Taylor sends her father a quick look and he nods towards one of his friends. Both of them walk over to the two men and grab their hands to hold them behind their backs.

“What are you doing?” the guy yells but Taylor doesn’t care.

Quickly, she rounds the van to get to the back. Her try to open the door fails and she makes a frustrated noise. She rounds the van again and looks into the driver seat to see that the key is still in the key hole. She grabs the key and runs to the back again to unlock it.

The door flies open and she looks inside. 

“Ryan” she breathes out at the sight in front of her.

Ryan is lying on the cold metal floor. His hands are cuffed in front of his body and he seems to be unconscious.

Taylor jumps inside to kneel beside him.

“Ry?” she asks and holds a hand in front of his face.

He’s barely breathing.

Carefully, she moves her arms under Ryan’s body to lift him up. He really weighs nothing and so it’s not a problem for her. She jumps out of the van and looks into the asking faces.

“Ryan!” someone yells and a car door slams shut.

The people part to let a girly looking guy through. It’s the guy who is staying at their hotel. He just came back from one of his trips as it seems.

“You know him?” Taylor asks sceptically.

“Yes, his boyfriend gave me the key to the mansion.” He says. “What happened?”

“That’s not important right now. We should rather get him into a hospital.”

“Where’s Brendon?” the guy asks and Taylor just remembers that his name is William.

“He has to be on his way.”

“He’s not here?!” William asks hysterically. “Do you know where his is? How far?”

“No, we should call him. But I’m going to call an ambulance first.”

“There will be no need for an ambulance if Brendon doesn’t show up soon.”

Taylor observes William for a moment and then nods.

“Alright, I’ll get him into a bed. Can you call Brendon?”

“Yes”

She hands him her phone and walks off to get Ryan to the hotel.

William looks through the phone till he finds Brendon’s number and punches the call button.

Immediately, someone picks up.

“Brendon! Where are you now?” William asks loudly.

“Will? Uhm … We’ll be in Grey Valley in a few hours.”

“Hours?! Not good.”

“What’s even going on? Do you know if Ryan is okay?”

“He’s not conscious, but he’s alive. I just came back from the mansion and saw that crowd of people and then there was Ryan.”

“So he’s safe?”  
“Yes, he is.”

“Thank god”

“I’m going to call the police and the ambulance now.”  
“No need to call the cops. I’m with them.”

“Okay, see you”

“Yeah”

William hangs up and calls the ambulance while he walks to the hotel.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I wake up, something inside me still hurts. I groan and try to open my eyes.

I’m a bit confused when I’m not in the van anymore or not even in another motel room.

“Ryan!” someone yells and I turn my head to the side.

“Taylor?” I whisper as I blink at her in a try to stop the room from spinning.

“Yep. You’re at the hotel in Grey Valley. Everything is okay. You’re safe.”

I take a deep breath and let my head fall backwards again.

“Are you okay?” she asks carefully.

“Not really. The room is spinning and my chest kind of hurts.”

“Do you need anything? The ambulance will be here in an hour. The next hospital isn’t nearby.”

“Can I have something to eat and drink?”

“Of course” she says and rushes out of the room.

Another figure is now standing in the door.

“Hey Ryan”

I try to identify the voice and after a few seconds of confusion I know who that is.

“William?”

“Yep. I’m here because of the mansion, remember?”

“Right”

“I talked to your friends.”

“Pete and Patrick?” I ask hopefully and he nods.

“They say that they miss you, but don’t want to see you near that house ever again, no matter how much you miss them.”

“Didn’t plan on going there again.”

William lets out a laugh and then silence falls over us.

“Where’s Brendon?” I ask then.

“He will be here in a few hours.”

“Okay”

“Do you want me to call him for you?”

“Yes please”

He nods and leaves the room. A few minutes later he comes back with Taylor behind him. She places a tray in my lap and William hands me the phone.

“Already dialled.” He says and I nod before I hold it to my ear.

“Yes?” Brendon’s voice comes out of the speaker and I’ve never been so happy.

“Hey Bren”

“Ry! Are you okay? Oh my god. Please tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m alive.”

“Okay” Brendon sobs.

“Don’t cry, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just … I thought I would lose you and I wouldn’t be able to survive that. I lost one family, I can’t lose another one.”

Now tears are forming in my eyes as well.

“You didn’t lose me. I’m here. I’m alive.”

“I will never ever let you out of my sight again and I’ll kill Jon!”

“I figured it was Jon.”

It’s silent for a while and I just listen to Brendon’s sobbing.

“Stop crying, please.” I whisper.

“I can’t. I’m happy right now.” He sobs and takes a deep breath. “I love you, Ryan. I know that sounds cheesy, but I need you and I wouldn’t be able to go on if you would be dead.”

“I love you too.” I say simply.

“I know” he breathes out and I know that he’s smiling.

“When are you going to be here?”

“I already talked Natasha into driving faster. We could make it in an hour if we keep the tempo.”

“That would be awesome.”

“We’ll try. I really won’t let you go again once I’m there.”

“I hope so.”

He laughs and then he’s quiet.

“I guess I’m supposed to hang up now.” He says after a few seconds.

“I guess”

“I really don’t want to.”

“Same. But I have to eat something or I’ll starve before you even get here.”

“But I don’t want to hang up!”

Suddenly, Taylor’s hand comes into focus and the phone is ripped away from me.

“Alright, that’s enough. Let the poor guy eat something. He looks like shit.” She says into the speaker before she hangs up.

Then she looks at me.

“Eat” she demands and I start eating without a word.

 

*

 

Almost an hour later, I’m out of the bed and sitting on the windowsill from where I’m able to see the road.

I don’t look away when I hear someone approach.

“Feeling better?” Taylor asks.

“Way better.” I answer.

“That means that Brendon can’t be too far.” William says.

“By the way, would someone mind to explain the thing with the distance to me?” Taylor asks.

“Well, it’s actually a bit complex. It’s because of the spell Brendon used. That spell brings the body back to life, but not the soul. The soul is still dead. That’s why Ryan still looks … like this. Because his soul didn’t change and when he was dead, he was just a soul.”

“Means?”  
“That means that his soul isn’t able to keep him alive. You know, it needs both to live, the body and the soul. So his soul kind of clings to Brendon’s to keep him alive.”

I let out a giggle.

“What?” Taylor asks with a small smile.

I turn my head to look at them.

“Brendon told me that I don’t have a soul. He really can’t explain stuff.” I state and William starts to laugh.

“Yeah, I asked him if I should tell you but he said that he would manage.”

I smile and watch the road again. Taylor and William continue to talk, but I don’t listen anymore. I let my head fall to the side so it’s leaning on the cold surface of the glass.

That’s when the police car comes into view. I raise my head again and a small smile spreads over my face.

“Guys” I say and Taylor is next to me in a second.

“I guess that means Brendon is here.” She says happily.

“He made it earlier than the ambulance. This really is a shithole.” William says.

“Shut up.” Taylor laughs.

I jump off the windowsill and make an attempt to run out of the door, but Taylor stops me.

“Wait, wait, wait” she sing-songs and then a cloth comes into view.

“What?”

“Your face is dirty. We want you to look good when lover-boy arrives.”

“I don’t really think that they care about something like that at the moment.” William states, but Taylor just shrugs.

She wipes over my cheek with the wet cloth and draws back to observe my face.

“Fabulous!”

I smile and then we leave the hotel together.

When I step outside, the police car stops behind the van. I dare to look over at Gerard and Frank. They are circled by three men, who watch over them till the police takes care of them. Accidentally, I make eye contact with Gerard and his face scares me. He has a evil smile plastered over his face.

I look away quickly, just in time to see Brendon jumping out of the police car. He looks around for a second and then he looks straight at me and begins to smile. I smile as well. He says something to one of the officers and then he starts running towards me.

“Oh my god. This is one of these scenes where the lovers run towards each other in slow motion.” Taylor says and I look over at her and laugh.

She rolls her eyes and gives me a soft push. I don’t run. I just start to walk a bit faster, because I still don’t trust my feet.

Brendon doesn’t slow down and so he crashes into me and almost knocks me over.

“I love you and if you ever scare me like that again, I swear I’ll fucking kill you.” He whispers and wraps his arms around me a bit too tight.

“That wouldn’t make sense.” I laugh.

He laughs as well and it sounds happy and relieved. I smile into his neck and try to hold the tears back. When I open my eyes, my gaze wanders over to Gerard and Frank again.

Then everything seems to happen in slow motion. Gerard pushes the man in front of him to the side and kicks the other one, so that he falls to the floor as well. Suddenly, he’s holding a gun and is aiming it at us, at Brendon’s back.

“No!” I yell and push Brendon away from me.

He stumbles backwards and lands on the floor. Then the gun goes off and I flinch.

After that, it’s too quiet for a few seconds. Gerard’s yelling breaks the silence and I look over to see how the police officers handcuff him.

“Ryan!” I hear Brendon cry out.

Suddenly a sharp pain washes over me and I look down at myself.

“Oh” I whisper as I see the blood soaking my shirt somewhere under my left shoulder.

Then I break down.

Brendon is next to me in a second.

“You fucking idiot!” he yells and raises his hand towards the wound, but lowers it again. “Was that really necessary?”

I nod.

“Rather one of us than both.” I say and he starts to shake his head.

“Where’s the fucking ambulance?” he yells and just then, I hear another car approach.

People start yelling and running around, but I only focus on Brendon’s sobbing and close my eyes.

“You can’t die. Not after it is already over.” He manages to say between sobs.

I want to say something as well, but the pain prevents me from doing so. I groan and suddenly I’m lifted off the ground and placed on something softer. People are talking and rushing around, but I’m not really aware of it anymore.

I space out a bit till I hear doors slam shut and everything is a bit quieter. Someone takes my hand and I manage to open my eyes for a few seconds to see that it’s Brendon, obviously.

“Will he be okay?” he asks.

“I don’t know yet.” A woman says, I guess it’s the nurse.

Eventually, I allow myself to drift off into darkness.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I’m sitting in the waiting room of some hospital, face hidden in my hands.

Ryan is in surgery and it’s almost an hour already. I’m going crazy, because I don’t know what’s going on.

“Bren! Finally! Sorry that it took us so long to get here.” I hear Taylor and raise my head to look at her.

“No problem” I whisper.

“So?” William asks.

“He’s in surgery for almost an hour already and I just can’t take this anymore.”

“He is going to be fine.” Taylor says soothingly and sits next to me.

She starts rubbing over my back.

“Mr. Urie?”

My head snaps up and I jump out of my seat to run over to the doctor.

“Yes? Is he okay?” I ask pleadingly and the doctor just smiles.

“He will be fine. The surgery passed without complications. We got the bullet out and stitched him up. He was lucky. The bullet almost hit his heart.”

I let out a relieved sight.

“When can I see him?”

“Well, he isn’t awake yet and I doubt that he will be for the next few hours, but you can go in if you want to.”

“Yes please”

He smiles again and turns to walk along the hallway. We round a few corners and then he stops in front of a door and motions for me to go in.

I take a deep breath and push the door open.

It’s just a small white hospital room with one single bed in it. The curtains are closed so that the room is a bit gloomy.  

My eyes fall on the bed and on the boy who is lying on it, the color of his skin almost as white as the bed sheets.

“Ry” I say softly and grab a chair to sit next to the bed. “You idiot”

I reach out so take his hand into mine.

“Damn, you’re cold.”

Suddenly, I feel stupid to be the only one talking. I look around to make sure the door is closed before I talk again.

“It’s killing me to see you like this, but I guess I should be happy, because you will be okay after all.”

Slowly, I reach out with my free hand to brush the bangs out of his eyes.

“I wish you would wake up.”

I lower my gaze again and the red cuts on his arm catch my eye. I hated the cuts which where already there, but why did they have to do this?

Then I remember the bracelet I bought for him. I found it in the bathroom at home. Seems as if he took it off to shower and then he forgot it.

I take the bracelet out of my pocket and look at it. I don’t know why, but the morning Ryan was kidnapped, I saw it in the bathroom and took it with me, for now reason at all.

I smile sadly and fix it around his wrist again.

Then the door opens and Taylor and William walk in.

“Oh god, poor Ry-baby.” Taylor says softly.

“What did the doctor say?” William asks.

“He will be okay. He was lucky that the bullet didn’t hit his heart.” I say without looking at them.

“You see? Everything is going to be okay.” Taylor sighs.

“We talked to the officers. These religion freaks are getting arrested.” William explains.

“I would have killed them myself if they wouldn’t.” I growl.

It’s silent after that. My thumb traces over the knuckles of Ryan’s hand carefully as if not to break him and I watch his face for some sort of reaction, but he doesn’t stir.

“Uhm, I heard that Jon is kind of responsible for all of this.” Taylor says and I just nod. “Alright, excuse me for a moment.”

I look up in time to see the door clam shut. My gaze locks with Williams and he shrugs.

“By the way, I talked to Pete and Patrick.” He states. “And I told them pretty much everything about you two. You know, with Ryan’s trust issues and stuff.”

I raise my eyebrows quizzically.

“Patrick said that you shouldn’t drive yourself crazy over it. No matter how sad he gets, he wouldn’t kill himself. His biggest fear is dying, he wouldn’t do it.”

“That’s good to know.”

“You have to give him time and just be patient with him. Sooner or later he will realize that you won’t let him fall.”

“Thank you” I say and smile at him.

“And I met your aunt. She is proud of you.”

“Why? I didn’t even know her before all of that.”

“She’s proud of how you ended up and that you don’t think like the rest of your family, whatever that means.”

I smile to myself.

“I wish I met her earlier.”

William smiles sadly.

The door bursts open out of sudden and Taylor walks in.

“What did you do?” I ask.

“I called Jon to tell him that I’m going to kill him.”

“Oh, okay”  
“I made him cry.”

“Cry? Jon Walker cried?”

“Yep. I’m really proud of myself that I managed that.”

I start to laugh.

“Alright, are you guys hungry? I’m starving. We should get something to eat.” She says.

William nods and gets up but I shake my head.

“I’ll stay here.”

She shrugs and then they are gone.

I sit there in silence for at least half an hour and just watch Ryan. When I can’t stand it anymore, I get up and crawl onto the bed next to him. I sit against the headboard and tangle my hand is his hair.

I sit there like that for a few minutes. Then I start to get tired. Slowly, I slide down, so I’m on the same level as Ryan.

“Please, wake up soon.” I whisper and then I fall asleep.

 

*

 

When I wake up again, people nearby are talking quietly. I groan and open my eyes just to see Ryan’s sleeping form next to me. A sigh escapes my lips and then I heard footsteps approach.

“Maybe you should get out of his bed before the doctor comes in.” I hear Taylor say and look up at her.

“Maybe you’re right.” I groan and get up and out of the bed.

I let myself fall into the chair again.

“God, I want to go home.” I whisper.

“Same. But I refuse to leave till he finally woke up.”

I just nod and let myself fall backwards.

“How long was I asleep?” I ask.

“Must be something like two hours.”

I sigh and look over at Ryan again. I just want to take him home and cuddle him to death.

I don’t look up when the door opens. My gaze stays focused on Ryan.

“So, let’s see.” I hear the doctor’s voice. “He should wake up very soon.”

I nod, but don’t look up.

“Just get me when he does wake up.”

Then he’s gone again.

“Maybe you should talk to him or something.” William tries.

“That only works with coma patients, dickhead.” Taylor says and rolls her eyes.

“Maybe it would help.”

Taylor rolls her eyes.

“Stop fighting. That won’t really help him.” I whisper.

“I’m sorry, honey. We are all just stressed out and annoyed.”

“I’m not annoyed. I just miss him.”

“He was just gone for … two or three days.”

“That’s enough for me to miss him already.”

Taylor nods and looks down. William sits in a corner, reading a magazine and I just watch the floor.

“I missed you too.”

I look up at the voice and two honey eyes meet mine.

“Ry! Finally!” I shriek and lung forward to throw my arms around his tiny form.

“Be careful!” Taylor threatens behind me but I just laugh.

“You are so damn stupid!” I say and draw back. “Did you really have to play the hero? You could have died!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ll go get the doctor.” I hear William say but I ignore him.

“Are you okay? Does something hurt?”

“I’m okay, just a bit dizzy, but I got used to that feeling already.”

“I think I have to buy a leash for you. Damnit. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

“No need to get kinky.” Taylor says.

The door opens and the doctor walks in, William on his heels.

“Hello Ryan. How are you feeling?” he asks with a smile.

“A bit dizzy.”

“That’s normal. Let’s take a look at your injuries.”

He walks to the other side of the bed and motions for Ryan to lift his shirt. When he does so, he groans and I glare at the doctor.

There’s a stitched red cut next to Ryan’s left collar bone. My gaze lingers on it for a few seconds, then my eyes fall on the scar that already marks Ryan’s body. The thick white scar where his father stabbed him is right in the middle of his chest.

When Ryan catches me watching, he lowers the shirt again and looks away.

“Well, it will heal well, but there will be a scar.” The doctor says and I nod.

“When is he able to leave?”

“I would like for him to stay the night. He can leave in the morning.”

I nod again and send Ryan a small smile.

“Could I maybe stay as well?”

The doctor observes me for a moment before he shrugs.

“If there is no other way. But just you.”

Then he leaves.

“You see? Everything is alright and Ry-ry is shitting rainbows again.” Taylor giggles and I look at her as if she’s crazy. “What? You treat him like he does.”

“I think we should leave. It’s getting late. I’ll pack my stuff and get you two in the morning so we can make our way home, alright?” William asks and I nod. “Good, see you tomorrow.”

“And I’ll be there as well. Don’t think you can get rid of me!” Taylor says loudly before William pushes her out the door.

I look after them and smile.

“Bren?”

I turn to look at Ryan.

“I’m cold.” He says with a pout and I can’t refuse.

“Let me fix that.” I murmur before I crawl onto the bed next to him again.

When I lay down, he snuggles into my side and I can see that he bites his lip hard.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” I whisper and wrap one arm around him to tug him closer carefully.

“This is nothing in comparison to what I felt when I was with those psychos. It felt as if my insides were being ripped apart.”

“What?!”

“No, they didn’t hurt me. At least not like that. It was when you were too far. God, I never felt pain like that before.”

“Well, I’ll make sure that you never have to feel that again.”

“Thanks, that would be nice.”

“Ry?”

“Hm?”

He sounds as if he’s already asleep and when I look down at him, his eyes are closed.

“I love you” I whisper and kiss his nose.

A small giggle escapes his lips.

“Love you too”

He tries to snuggle closer and soon his breathing is even.

I reach out to touch his cheek and smile to myself. Then I close my eyes and fall asleep like that.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I wake up, Brendon is completely wrapped around me. I just smile and bury my face even more in his shoulder. He sighs contently in his sleep and nuzzles his face in my hair.

That is when I realize it. I feel safe.

The first time in what feels like forever, I feel protected and really cared for.

Why didn’t I realize this earlier? Brendon was there the whole time.

Well, apparently all of this needed to happen for me to realize that.

He loves me. He cares for me. He keeps me safe.

Now I don’t even know why I had all these doubts anymore.

Really? It was stupid.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” I whisper.

“What for?” Brendon’s voice sounds more like a yawn.

“You’re awake?”

“Seems like it.”

He moves away so he’s able to face me.

“What are you sorry for?” he asks again.

“For everything. I was stupid.”

His expression softens.

“If you’re talking about what happened yesterday then don’t worry. You will be okay. That’s the only thing that matters.”  
“N-no. I mean … I’m sorry for how I acted the last few weeks. I don’t what was wrong.”

“Stop it. It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“Ryan, you went through so much already. You lived with an abusive father, you died, you were locked in a mansion and you came back to live. You don’t even know how strong you are, huh?”

I look away, but Brendon touches my cheek to turn my head towards him again. A small smile covers his face as he looks at me with awe.

“I guess I just couldn’t understand why you would want to be with someone like me.” I say.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

“Because I’m such a fuck-up and I’m always feeling sorry for myself and- ”

“That’s not true. Ry, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You are so beautiful and cute and I’m not just talking about your looks here.  _I_  don’t know why you would want to be with  _me_. You could have everyone, but you still choose me.”

“I wouldn’t be able to be with someone else.”

“You see? Stop thinking that you’re not good enough.”

I bite my lip and nod. He keeps looking at me, taking everything in and I start to feel a bit uneasy.

“I am the luckiest man in the whole wide world.” He whispers adoringly.

When I say nothing, he smiles and kisses me on the nose just like yesterday and an unexpected giggle escapes me.

“That’s seriously the cutest noise.” He says and I feel myself blush.

“Maybe we should get up.” I say and he nods.

Slowly, I sit up in bed, holding myself up with my hands. When I’m in a sitting position, I notice that Brendon is staring and when I turn to look at him, I notice that he’s staring at my arm. Quickly, I take it back.

“Why did they have to do that?” he growls.

I don’t answer and just rub over the red cuts.

“They deserve more then just being arrested.”

“No. I wish them every bad thing that could possibly happen, but I wouldn’t wish someone to die. No one.”

“They deserve it. They hurt you and they wanted to kill you.”

I lower my head and then Brendon’s hand shoots out to take my arm away from my body to look at it. Just now, I notice the bracelet around my wrist. I know that I didn’t wear it.

“Did you- ”

“I took it with me the morning you got kidnapped … I don’t really know why.” He says without letting go.

“Oh”

He touches the cuts carefully, but I’m just watching his face turn into a grimace at that.

“I hope these are the last scars you get.” He whispers and looks up at me with a sad smile.

I smile as well.

“Mr. Urie, please get out of the bed.”

We both look up to see the doctor standing in the door.

Brendon just grins and gets out of the bed. The doctor glares at him before he walks over to the other side of the bed.

“Alright, lets take a look at the stitches again.” He says and I lift my shirt.

I look away while he observes the wound and my gaze moves over to Brendon’s sad face.

“Okay, you are allowed to go home.”

I lower the shirt again and look over at Brendon. He smiles when he notices my look, but I see the sadness behind that.

“Just check out at the reception before you leave.”

I nod and then he’s gone.

“So … home?” Brendon asks hopefully.

I nod and smile.

“Home”

 

*

 

When we get down to the entrance, William and Taylor are already waiting for us.

“I’ll check out. Just go over there already.” Brendon says.

I nod and walk over to our friends.

“It’s good to see you on your feet again.” Taylor chirps and hugs me.

“Feels good, too.”

She draws back and pats me on the head.

“Ready to go home?” William asks.

“Yes”

“I guess I have to say goodbye now?” Taylor asks and I nod. “I would say that it was nice to see you, but … well.”

“It’s always nice to see you.”

She smiles and lungs forward to hug me one more time.

“I’ll blame Brendon if something like that happens ever again.” She says and I laugh.

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“I don’t care.”

I take a step back just as Brendon joins us.

“Okay, I want my boyfriend back.” He says with a playful glare at Taylor.

She rolls her eyes and walks towards him to hug him as well.

“You are a total dork, Bren. Take care of him.” She says and retreats again.

“Love you too.” He grins.

“Ready to go, boys?” William asks.

A hand sneaks up to hold mine. I smile and look up at Brendon, who smiles back.

“I take that as a yes. Let’s go then.”

Brendon starts tugging me to William’s car.

“Get in the backseat and try to get comfortable. It’s going to be a long ride.” William states as he jumps into the driver seat.

Brendon opens the door to the backseat.

“After you” he jokes and I roll my eyes before I get in.

He gets in after me and closes the door. When I look out the window, Taylor waves.

“Next halt, Vegas.”

 

*

 

We drove for two days straight and just stopped to get something to eat. One time, Brendon drove, because William had to sleep for a few hours.

Now we’re finally back in Vegas. William stops the car in front of our place and turns to look at us.

“So, there we are.” He begins.

I look out of the window and smile.

“Thanks, Will” Brendon says. “I guess we’ll see you around.”

“You will. And you will see Gabe for sure. I know him well enough to know that he’ll come by soon to look after you two.” William warns.

“No problem. As long as he’s not a threat he’s welcome.”

William nods and then it’s silent for a second.

“So uhm, bye then.” Brendon tries and opens the door.

“And thank you again.” I tell William.

“Anytime, ghost-boy.”

I smile and get out of the car after Brendon. William gives us a last wave before he drives off. We don’t talk. Brendon just takes my hand in his and leads me into the building and up the stairs till we stand in front of our apartment.

“Finally back home” Brendon whispers and I turn to look at him and smile.

“Yeah … finally.” I say and bite my lip. “And from now on I won’t be so depressed all the time.”

“That’s not the problem. I just missed the boy I met at the mansion. You were so happy there … well, most of the time. When we got here that just … faded away.”

“It’s back. That boy is back.” I promise and smile.

“Awesome” he breathes out and leans forward.

I catch him halfway and then we’re kissing in the hallway in front of our apartment. He wraps his arms around me and I raise my hands to bury them in his hair.

“We should go inside.” He suggests between kissed.

“Uh huh”

One arm stays around me when the other searches for the keys. When he found them, he unwraps himself from me to open the door. We go inside and just when the door falls shut, he’s in front of me again.

“And now we continue where we stopped.” He says desperately.

“Yes please, but let’s take this to the bedroom.”

He stops in his tracks and frowns at me.

“Really?”

“Yes, really” I reply mischievously.

“Okay”

Then his passion is back and he wraps himself around me while slowly walking backwards to the bedroom.

“We don’t have to do this. We can just cuddle.” He whispers into my hair.

“But I want to do this and we can still cuddle afterwards.”

He smiles and lets himself fall on the bed, pulling me downwards with him. Before I can voice my surprise a skilled mouth is already attacking my lips, sealing them shut. Teeth gently pull at my bottom lip and I return the kiss hungrily. I open my mouth for Brendon’s tongue, allowing it to explore.  
Suddenly, Brendon breaks the kiss and I let out a disappointed noise. He wraps his arms around my waist, and with one swift movement, rolls us over, leaving me on my back and him over me, propped up on his hands.  
“Still sure you want this?” he asks.  
“Very” I reply, already busy pulling Brendon’s t-shirt by its bottom hem and over his head.  
The now revealed, pale skin is beautiful but I don’t get enough time to marvel at it before Brendon removes my shirt as well, letting it pile on the floor.  
He closes the gap between our faces again before kissing a soft trail down my jawline and throat, letting his teeth drag over my collarbone. I can feel shivers running through my whole body when a soft moan escapes my lips.  
Brendon continues his journey over my torso, paying extra attention to my nipples. He sucked on the skin around the right one, biting and flicking it with his tongue, nearly driving me insane.

“Stop teasing you moron!”  
The smaller boy looks up and smiles at me.  
“No problem.”  
He moves downwards, planting a soft kiss on the skin over my waistband before opening my fly and pushing my trousers down. He quickly disposes his own jeans and crawls over me again, hooking one finger inside my pant’s waistband, waiting for my approval. I give him a quick nod and he pulls my pants down, doing the same with his.

Now completely naked, our already hard members rub against each other, making us both moan at the same time. He brings his mouth near my ear, kissing the tender skin there.  
“Be right back” he whispers.

The sudden loss of touch and body heat leaves me unpleased and I am glad that Brendon returns just a few seconds later, a small bottle in his hand. Lube.

“Why do you have that?” I ask, giggling slightly.  
“I bought it a few weeks ago. Just in case.” he explains, already next to me on the bed again.  
“You really want this?”  
“Yes. I am a hundred percent sure, now kindly shut up and fuck me already.”  
“If you insist.” he replies, opening the bottle and squeezing a large amount on the palm of his hand. Three of his fingers were slicked up and I can soon feel one of them pressing against my entrance, pushing in slightly.  
It causes a burning sensation, pleasure slowly mixing into the pain. I groan quietly before moaning loudly the moment Brendon curls his fingers and finds the right spot.  
“Oh god yes. More!”

“As you wish.”

A second finger is carefully pushed past the ring of muscles, working it open slowly. Brendon moves his fingers in and out, scissoring them apart to prepare me even better, hitting my prostate and making my body shiver with lust. I curl my hands to fists around the sheets to deal with the entirely new experience.

“Nhh Brenn- Oh!”

“God, you are so hot like that, moaning my name.” Brendon tells me before adding the third finger, opening me up even further, causing a new wave of pleasure to rush over my whole body. He moves his fingers to loosen my entrance and, when he feels it’s enough preparation, draws them out, leaving me unpleasantly empty.  
But the emptiness doesn’t last long and the fingers are quickly replaced by Brendon’s slicked up cock, the tip sliding in easily due to the careful preparation. I wrap my arms around Brendon’s neck, pulling him closer and attacking his lips as he pushes in further.  
I can feel my insides being stretched, filled up like never before. It is a bit strange first, the slight pain and stuffed feeling mixing with arousal. But I get used to it quickly and start to enjoy it, especially when Brendon manages to hit my prostate.

“Yes. Yes that… Ohgodgod. Faster!”  
Brendon speeds his pace up, pulling out half way and pushing in again before going all the way, pulling out completely with each thrust. I can feel my cock leaking, already very close.  
“Brendon I’m-“  
“Shh” he interrupts me, wrapping his fingers around me and moving them up and down. A warm tingling makes its way through my body and I can feel my body tensing as I come. My vision goes white and fuzzy and my toes curl. A never-ending string of words – curses, moans and Brendon’s name – flows from my lips.  
Before my body is relaxed again I notice Brendon moving faster, groaning and something warm filling me. I collapse against the sheets, my bones turned into jelly. Brendon pulls out soon afterwards and cleans us up, using a tissue that was left on the nightstand.  
“Come here?” I ask him, gesturing to the spot next to me on the bed.

“Sure.”  
He crawls into the bed and I let my head rest on his shoulder.

“That was amazing.” I tell him before drifting off to sleep.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

Ryan falls asleep immediately with his head resting on my shoulder. A small smile covers his face and I smile as well. I never saw him smiling in his sleep. I saw him frown and cry, but never smile.

Carefully, I move forward to wrap the covers around us. I think it’s just afternoon, but I could care less.

Slowly, I slide down in bed, wrapping myself around the sleeping boy next to me.  
Now I can finally see his scars without him covering them again. The white scar on his chest looks really bad, but I guess that’s what everyone would look like after being stabbed to death.

The stitched wound next to his collar bone is still red, but the doctor said it would heal perfectly, so I look away from that one quickly.

I move one hand under the covers to touch Ryan’s arm, the one with the scars and cuts. Something inside me screams when I trace the marked skin, but something else is happy.

It’s over.

Ryan is okay. Maybe all of this happened for a reason.

No, I won’t think like that.

I take a deep breath and watch the beautiful boy beside me.

I love him. He loves me. We should just forget our problems and start to live.

Yes, that is going to be my plan from now on.

Being alive and happy.

With him.


End file.
